QuestionHey! I am almost 16 years old and I am a lesbian. I can remember when I was little maybe 5 or 6 even then looking at other girls in a sexual way. When I was 8 my cousins molested me and made it a little worse. I never acted upon it until 8th grade and I loved it. I have had sex over 58 times with one person. I go to church and pray. Why do I have to be like this? I don't want to go to hell. I have dated guys also. There are only a few that I can actually hang with, but it doesn't seem right for me to be dating guys. I'd really rather date chicks. I just don't feel right right with a guy. I don't know what to do because my grandfather is a preacher and my family is kind of religious on my mom's side and none of them approve of homosexuality. I don't know what to do.
It is apparent to me that you do know what to do, but you are having too much fun sinning to accept the idea of living righteously. Let's take this step by step.
You stated that you were looking sexually at girls at the age of five or six. Since puberty doesn't begin in girls until eight at the earliest, then what you are claiming is false since children do not have a concept of what sex is nor do they experience sexual urges. The only way this innocence is broken is by molestation or by being exposed to sexual matters early in life and even then children don't truly grasp the concept.
But you go on to state that you were molested at eight. I'm sorry that such a thing happened to you. Such things should not happen to any child. "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" (Matthew 18:6-7). I hope that your parents did the appropriate thing and that these cousins are now in jail. But the fact that you were a victim of a crime is not justification to sin.
Next, you stated that you began having sex in the eight grade and enjoyed it. Yes, sexual acts do bring about physical pleasure. That is why Satan uses them to tempt people into sinning. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (I John 2:15-17). It is pleasure that Satan uses as bait. The fact that you enjoyed sinning doesn't justify the sin.
Then you stated that you have done it many times. Once again, the number of times you commit a sin doesn't make it less of a sin. If a thief stole 58 times, does that mean stealing is no longer a sin for him?
And then you pull the "I act religiously" excuse. The Bible calls this hypocrisy. It is when a person pretends to be one thing while at the same time doing things that are opposite. It is what Jeremiah charged the Israelites of doing. "For you were hypocrites in your hearts when you sent me to the LORD your God, saying, 'Pray for us to the LORD our God, and according to all that the LORD your God says, so declare to us and we will do it.' And I have this day declared it to you, but you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD your God, or anything which He has sent you by me" (Jeremiah 42:20-21). Jesus condemned the religious people of his day for the same reason. "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows' houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation" (Matthew 23:14). You cannot play both sides. Either you must chose to obey God fully, or you are just wasting your time in church. But prayers and attending church do not make a sinful behavior right.
Even though you admit that there are a few guys you like, you have given yourself over to sin and would rather be doing what is wrong than what is right. Feelings are not a justification to sin.
Playing the victim card, "None of my family approves," doesn't justify sin either.
What I want you to see is that you have chosen to sin and now are seeking to excuse it in some manner. In essence you want to say that though God said a woman having sex with a woman is a sin, you want to force God to accept your choice. It doesn't work that way. "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, and traded the glory of the incorruptible God for the likeness of an image of corruptible man, and of birds, and four-footed animals, and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to uncleanness, that their bodies should be dishonored among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For their women changed the natural function into that which is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural function of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men doing what is inappropriate with men, and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error" (Romans 1:22-27).
If you want to live with God in Heaven, then you must submit yourself to God's will and not your lusts. It is solely your choice, but you will receive the consequences of your choices. The reason God said homosexual acts are sinful is because it causes harm to people and human society. You might think that you know more than God, but He has always been proven right.