When I was a child I was defiled. At that time I did not know what was happening or know what to do. I could not tell my mother because she was always busy and every time I wanted her attention she would always dismiss me. Therefore, I learned to block out the past and start living a different life. Every time the memories come I block them out. I know it is not healthy and may be a factor in my growth in Christ but I don't know how to deal with it. What do I do?
There is a huge difference between what was done to you and what you choose to do. As a child, that is often hard to distinguish, but now that you are grown, you need to make the distinction. You did not sin when someone molested you. It wasn't your choice. You did not know what was going on.
The problem that happens far too often is that past sexual abuse comes to define a person's behavior. The person may not want to think about it, but the person acts out sexually with others. While a different life is desired, the person never leaves the abusive sex behind.
What happened to you was wrong. You can't erase the memories of what happened, but you can properly define them what an evil person did to you. Understanding that, then you can realize that what was done doesn't have to define what you do -- unless you let it happen.
"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).
The past only says where you came from. It doesn't control where you are going.