I was molested and now I have sexual urges to masturbate which I fulfill. Afterwards I feel guilty, and I cry and ask God for forgiveness. I do good for a month or two, then I slip up and go into a frenzy. This has been going on for many years now, and honestly I am through with pleading God for forgiveness. I feel as though I'm letting Him down and that I'm unworthy to even ask for His grace and mercy. I just want to stop doing this. I know it is wrong, but my self-control when it comes to this is out the door. I just want to be delivered from this. Can you help me?
Thank you graciously for your response and your time.
I'm sorry to hear about your past. Children ought not to experience such things. It ruins their innocence and they are not usually in a position to deal with these matters.
Your molestation made you aware of your sexuality, but it would not be appropriate to say that it is the sole cause of why you masturbate. Obviously, masturbation feels good. There isn't a biological reason that creates a need to masturbate in females (unlike males). So that means we need to narrow down why you feel driven to masturbation at times. Unfortunately this is something I can't guess. I can only list out some common reasons.
Some people masturbate out of boredom. There isn't much else do and this is seen as fun.
More often people seek out masturbation as way to relieve stress. Orgasm, that usually accompanies masturbation, releases chemicals that causes the body to relax. It isn't bad to relax, but we have to face the fact that masturbation doesn't solve the reason the stress is there in the first place. It is merely a way of distracting yourself for a short period of time from the existence of the stress. Eventually you realize it is still there. If this is the cause of your desire for masturbation, then it also explains why it comes in batches. It isn't until the stress is out of your life that your self-control comes to the forefront.
If stress is the problem, then it is better to look for real solutions to the stress instead of looking for ways to ignore it.
There isn't anything in the Bible that says masturbation is wrong. But when looking at the reasons, there generally better ways to deal with the reasons. What can make masturbation wrong are the thoughts that often accompanies the act. Thoughts of lust or the use of pornography are sinful because you are committing sins in your mind. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).