Question

Hi,

I am a virgin. I broke my hymen about a month ago, and I am worried about my future. I am scared that I will commit fornication, which I don't want to because it is displeasing to God and is shameful. I am also worried that no one will believe that I am a virgin. I am extremely upset about it. When I wake up instead of praying and reading my Bible, I am crying. I really want to stop thinking about it, but I can't. I think about it all the time and that is what is making me come up with ideas of what could happen in the future.

p.s. I am 13 and I worry a lot!

Hope you can help.


Answer

To be a virgin means you have no experience with sex. Whether your hymen is intact or not has little to do with whether you are a virgin. Yes, virgins do tend to have intact hymens, but there are a number of ways that a hymen can be broken that has nothing to do with sex. Think about it this way, boys can be virgins, and they don't even have hymens.

The connection between an intact hymen and virginity came about because it was seen as hard evidence that a woman really had not experienced sex. Yet, the reality is that it only referred to one type of sex. A woman could have participated in oral sex, have an intact hymen, and still not be a virgin because oral sex is still a form of sex.

Just because your hymen is broken, it doesn't mean you'll give into fornication. What can lead to fornication is impure thoughts about having sex with someone you are not married to. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23). In other words, the way you think tends to come out in your behavior.

Thanks for replying. It really helped me. Is there anything that can help me to cheer up? I am also trying not to be so worried, could you help me with that as well?

What many people don't realize is that the way you choose to see life directly impacts your happiness. Most people think happiness is something that happens to them, but the reality is that happy is the attitude a person chooses to have despite what comes their way. "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:11-13).

Worry is similar. Most people worry about things they have absolutely no control over. The worry doesn't make matters better -- more often it just makes them miserable. What Christians do is learn to distinguish what is their choice from what is outside their choice. What I can do, I do my best. What isn't my choice I take things as they come knowing that God, who can control things, will watch out for me.

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:25-34).

Hi,

Thanks for your help and for explaining these verses to me.