The Girls' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

My boyfriend and I had outercourse. We were both naked. He basically had his penis rubbing up against my clit and labia. This lasted for two minutes at the longest. He didn't ejaculate and was dry the entire time. Could I be pregnant from this? I'm worried sick and feel like God can't hear me. I know that I messed up, but I'm terrified. Thank you.


Answer

There are aspects of this note that does not ring true. I believe it is the claim of restraint by the boy involved though both of you were involved in sin. The claim that he was dry is a level of detail that doesn't match how a boy's body typically works nor is it something normally noticed by people caught up in the passion of lewdness. Despite my skepticism that this note is not completely honest, let me point out the sins involved.

Two unmarried people have no business exposing themselves to each other. The sole purpose of this was to inflame lust in each other. This is why God condemned the Israelites: "Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, pressing him to your bottle, even to make him drunk, that you may look on his nakedness!" (Habakkuk 2:15). It shows a lack of respect for the other person because nakedness in front of someone you are not married to is supposed to be embarrassing. Being naked is called shameful by God. "Behold, I am coming as a thief. Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame" (Revelation 16:15). In the Old Testament God said He would expose Babylon's sins to their shame and He draws the same parallel. "Your nakedness shall be uncovered, yes, your shame will be seen" (Isaiah 47:3). It was such an embarrassment that God used it to illustrate the exposure of sin in a person's life.

You also engaged in sexual touching, which is also forbidden to unmarried couples. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). Let's put it bluntly if things had progressed further to intercourse, there would have been nothing you could have done to prevent it and you couldn't claim it was unintentional. It was like walking along the very edge of a cliff and claiming you have no intentions of falling off. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

Solomon points out the problem when he asked, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" (Proverbs 6:27). You can show a hot coal all the affection you want. You can cuddle it and dote on it and it will still burn you. Your kindness to it doesn't change its nature. How often do you hear someone say, "But I love him!" Solomon's point is that your feelings toward your boyfriend won't change the fact that both of you have built-in desires and capabilities for sex. Trigger them and they follow the instincts built into you.

Solomon also asked, "Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?" (Proverbs 6:28). Using the same example of a hot coal, if you walk on it, it will burn you. You can apologize and say you didn't mean to step on it, but you'll still be hurt because your intentions doesn't change what it is. Thus, the excuse, "But I didn't mean for it to go this far!" becomes an empty one because your intentions doesn't change your body's drive.

That is why Solomon concludes, "So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29). Though he is talking directly about adultery, the same point is true about fornication. When you start intentionally stirring up sexual feelings, you are never innocent when thing go further than you wanted.

That is why we are told not to make room for lust and lewdness. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). Lust is those thoughts and desires you keep battling about taking things even further than just taking off your blouse or skirt. Lewdness is engaging in sexual foreplay that gets the body ready for intercourse. The Christian must recognize the danger and not start a sequence of events that can't be legitimately completed.

The problem isn't simply that you allowed a naked boy to rub his penis against your genitals. It started long before you even started removing clothing. It's been going on for a while in your mental acceptance that it is all right for a couple to engage in sex if they "love" each other. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23).

In regards to whether you could become pregnant, the odds are not zero because despite your claim, the possibility that he was dripping pre-ejaculate fluid was very high and that fluid can contain sperm. The chances are very close to zero, but no one can say with certainty that it can't happen.

A much higher probability is that you could get a sexually transmitted disease. Many of the diseases out there only require skin-to-skin contact to pass them on and the genitals are particularly vulnerable because the skin is thinner there than on most of the body. Likely you are not this boy's first and you don't know if he has picked up a disease elsewhere.

In regards to whether God hears your prayers, it first depends on you. "The LORD is far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous" (Proverbs 15:29). If you are going to justify your sins, then why would you expect God to answer your prayers. But if you are willing to turn from your sins and live as God intended then of course God will hear you.

Thank you for your response. You're right. I've messed up pretty awfully. I'm ashamed of what I've done, and it's a part of me I can't take back. My boyfriend is also a "virgin", as I asked. But I realize these impurities take away from my innocence. I need to get right with God, but don't know how. I'm ashamed of my actions, and would be even more ashamed if I became pregnant. I'm so nervous and scared. Again, thank you for listening.

The problem of asking a boy who thinks he is going to get sex whether he is a virgin is that you can't be completely certain that he is being honest. I would rather that you not take risks that depend on someone being truthful when you can't verify it. Go get yourself checked out at a health clinic and be certain that you did not pick up anything.

In regards to pregnancy, again, the odds are so close to zero, that it isn't likely you are pregnant. Either way, you can't change things now, so the best you can do is put this concern aside. There is more than enough time to discuss what to do later, if you do find yourself pregnant. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:36).

So, let's talk about what you can do. The first thing is you need to do is change your attitude that let you get naked with a boy. That is something I can't guess at, but it is where you need to start. You have to have respect for yourself. You have to see that the only one who deserves your body is the man who is willing to commit his life to you in marriage. And most importantly, you need to realize that God didn't give arbitrary laws. He gave us instructions to tell us how to best live life. "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:3).

With that change in attitude, you then change your behavior to be consistent with your attitude. You don't tease boys into removing their clothes and expect to stay away from sex. The action isn't consistent with the claimed attitude. So you act as you want to be treated. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). You made a mistake, so change so radically that people in the future would never guess that you used to be different.

A part of this is going to require deciding what you are going to do about this boy. If he doesn't see the need to change or if he keeps pushing you back toward sex, then you need to get him out of your life. He is too dangerous to have around.

And along with all of this, you need to get right with God. I don't know if you are a real Christian or only think of yourself as a Christian. So take a look at What Must I Do to be Saved? If you are a Christian, then you need to talk with God about your mistake and apologize. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

Then when you've changed yourself, it is time to move on to a better future. "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).

I can't thank you enough for this. I've attempted to get myself back on track with God, and I feel an inner peace now. I can only pray that I'm not pregnant, I'm not ready to be a mother. I'm ready to get my life back with God. I no longer feel sick and nervous, but I feel I have an inner feeling of God's presence within me. I've made a promise to God, and God says not to promise things, but I've made a vow to God that I won't mess around with my boyfriend, or any other guy, until he is my husband. I don't know what I'll do if I'm pregnant. Will you please say a little prayer that I'll know whether I am or if I'm not, in the near future? Thank you so much. I didnt know where to turn, and I believe God put this website in my path in order to help me change. You've done more than I could have ever imagined anyone could do. You have shown me that I need to change. I just hope and pray that I'm not pregnant. Thank you sir.

As I mentioned before, you need to keep your actions matching your intentions. Knowing that you don't want to become an unwed mother doesn't go along with getting naked with your boyfriend. They are just not compatible ideas.

In regards to knowing whether you are pregnant or not, you'll need to wait to see if your next period comes on time or not. If it is more than two weeks later than usual, then you might need to try a pregnancy test. If it comes out negative, then you just missed a period or it is later than usual. But as I have been saying, I doubt you will miss your period.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to again.

I do realize that. And as a girl who's been raised in a Christian environment I will adhere to my vow. I've got one life, and I don't want that life to include being a teenage mother. How do I face my parents if I am pregnant? How do I face my church and friends? I have to grow up, and I hope that includes my boyfriend growing up with me. We've got to change if this relationship is going to work.

Thank you again sir. You've helped me see the light.