Question

My boyfriend and I have committed fornication. When my boyfriend said to me that he would marry me, I made the wronging decision of giving him everything I had (my virginity) when he wanted. I have realized how wrong I was and have confessed my sin to God and asked God for His forgiveness. Our relationship had gone far from God’s will (both my boyfriend and I are Christians), and now it doesn’t go well. My boyfriend now is thinking of breaking up with me. I found it so hard to let it go because I have gave him my virginity and my parents are not Christians so I don’t know who I can discuss about this.

Thank you.


Answer

Just because a person claims to be a Christian, it doesn't mean he or she is a faithful Christian or even truly a Christian. There is an easy test (I John 4:1). "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20). A faithful Christian will not suggest sinning. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

As soon as a girl tells me her boyfriend is wanting sex, I already know he isn't a true Christian. Knowing that, I don't believe a thing he claims. He already has proven he is worldly, so promises of marriage are meaningless. A guy who is only interested in sex will tell a girl anything he thinks she wants to hear so long as he gets to tumble with her in bed. And typically with such a guy, once he gains the conquest, the interest wains because he doesn't want to be tied down.

This is one reason God said sex belongs only in marriage (Hebrews 13:4). You don't give away what is most personal to you until the other person proves they are firmly committed to you. You are a prize to be won and the cost is your future husband's life, committed solely to you (and you to him).

The past can't be undone, but you can avoid repeating the mistake. No more sex outside of marriage. I would also urge to get checked for STD's just in case. A guy who is willing to jump after sex has likely done this before.

Thank you so much for replying so fast. I understand the perspective about him not being a Christian, but we both have realized we have done wrong. It was a giant burden in my heart to confess to God but also to someone who knows as well.

When I knew what God wanted me to do, I phoned him and asked if I could tell his sister because he has a Christian family. At first he refused because he thought he wasn't ready to let his family know what he had done wrong. The pain and burden was still in my heart. I felt the urging of God telling me to confess this sin to someone else, so I texted him again. He replied that he had told his sister. I asked him what changed his mind. He said to me that he felt God was telling him to deal with it right now as well. He will soon to be telling his parents as well. I also wrote a letter and asked him to give it to his parents to apologize for breaking their trust in us.

The reason that he is thinking of breaking up with me is that he thinks maybe we are not right for each other. But he is still not sure if that is what God really wants him to do yet. For me, I am not sure if God wants me to let this relationship go yet. I don't really know what a true Christian man would really do right now in this circumstance. I don't know if I should hold him accountable for the things he said to me and what we have done wrong together.

I'm impressed that you are both willing to admit that you were wrong. I don't often see this.

Like too many people, you are trying to make decisions based on your feelings instead of what God teaches in His word. Feelings can be deceptive. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). Therefore, you both should be asking yourselves why you should or should not consider each other for a future marriage. The hard part is that neither of you can really be objective at the moment. Both your relationship and your mutual sin colors your view.

A relationship can't be built on just one person's desire. Unless both of you are committed to be together and both committed that God has to come first, it just won't work.