Question

I'm a 24 year old female. I'm a baptized New Testament Christian for several years now. I'm very faithful and active in church. I look and act like a Christian, but I have problems. This is not easy for me to say, so I am just going to go right out and say. I masturbate. I use to do it every once and a while. But not it has gotten more frequent (not daily), and now I watch porn. I know doing these things are wrong but I'll do them anyway and then sincerely ask God's forgiveness every time after doing these things. I feel utterly disgusted with myself and embarrassed. Will God forgive me for these things although I've repeatedly done things asking for forgiveness? I know my life outside of the public eye is not Christian perfect, but I want to get myself right with God.

And one more thing: is it possibly because of my actions God could be punishing me by not providing with a husband or boyfriend? I've never dated anybody nor been asked out. I want to be in love and have that special guy in my life, but this has just been bugging me and thought I'd ask.

I apologize for this being long. Any advice and help you can give will be greatly appreciated.


Answer

Masturbation in women isn't driven by a physical need, as it typically is in men. Instead, it is most often use as a form of escapism. The orgasm temporarily raises the mood of the person and troubles are easily forgotten for the moment. The problem, of course, is that it is all temporary. It doesn't fix the causes of depression, stress, or anything else. In fact, with pornography added to the mix, it adds to a person's distress over themselves.

The porn watching has to stop. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Pornography warps your view of relationships and sex. It focuses solely on the physical action, causing the person to forget that people are involved.

So along with ending the porn, I want you to start thinking about why you seek out masturbation. What are the circumstances? Then think about better ways to use your time that will actually make things better.

In regards to finding a man, I suspect that you don't interact much with the opposite sex, so I have a challenge for you. I want you to find three single guys and initiate a conversation with them. It doesn't have to be much or long, but I want you to find out one thing about each of them that makes them unique. You can ask them about their favorite sport, their favorite class, what they like most about their job, their opinion on a recent news event, etc. Guys won't give you long, rambling answers. They will probably answer straight to the point and most often they'll give you an honest answer, so don't ask a question that can be answered "yes" or "no," but also don't ask a question that is complex, sexual, or that involves analyzing feelings. Then be prepared to ask a few followup questions to draw out a little bit more about them.

The challenge will do several things: It forces you to see that men are people with personalities, it causes guys to notice that you exist, and that you might be interesting to talk to. Remember that Ruth had to get Boaz's attention first before he started to think about possibly marrying her.