Question

Hello,

I'm so lost. I'm crying right now. Last summer I gave my boyfriend oral, and I hate myself for it. I was 14. I'm now 15. I've cut myself and have been in a battle with myself for a while. I love God. I keep trying to get rid of that memory, but my boyfriend is also my best friend. I dumped him out of guilt and he keeps messaging me. I look for excuses to avoid him, but he keeps messaging me and I just don't want to talk to him anymore. I've done horrible things and have sinned against God. I was addicted to porn for two years. I'm so sad. Please help me. I also sexted other guys while we dated and he was forgiving with me, but I got mad because he deserves someone way better than me. I just want to rot in a hole.


Answer

I'm glad you wrote, though I'm sorry you've been having a rough time.

There are two basic responses to regret over sin. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death" (II Corinthians 7:10). You can either wallow in sorrow over what you've done, or you can be sorry about your sin and then change. Repentance means to change your mind about sin and to change your behavior. The change is so radical that you become a different person. "For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:11). When you change that much then it still hurts that you sinned, but you also know you aren't that person any more. What happened really happened to another person who was younger and more foolish.

Being miserable over what you did wrong for half a year is just too long to be good for you. And cutting yourself doesn't do a thing about the problem it only appears to make it less real for a short period of time. So, let's talk about becoming a new person because you need to like yourself and respect yourself. Only then will you be in a position to love and respect someone else the way they deserve. Right now guys are taking advantage of you. They are using your negative view of yourself to feed their own egos and manipulate you to satisfy their lusts.

You're never stuck. You can change for the better.

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. You're such a great person. I'll keep your advice in my heart and mind. I'm sorry this generation is so different and messed up, especially people like me. Everyone has different burdens, but mine's carnal desire, which is one of the toughest to deal with. But with people like you around, there's a ton of hope. Again, thank you. God bless you.

Whenever you want someone to talk to, I'll be around. As long as there are people willing to improve, the world won't be that bad of a place.