Question

It all started in the summer. There was a boy I knew for a few months now; we went to the same church and we used to talk and text each other and stuff. He wasn't the typical boy in my denomination. He was more of a bad boy. I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't listen to God warning me.

One day I was with my friend. I asked the boy if we could come round his house just to chill (nothing intimate) and he agreed. The next day we made our journey there. By the way, I'm 13. He said he had a crush on me, but he had a girlfriend whom he said he was going to break up with the next day. We got there and we went in to just chill. He started touching me and trying to kiss me. I didn't want to get involved in stuff like that, but I thought he's just joking and acting like a normal 15 year old. He carried on and I told him to stop. My friend told him I'm not that kind of girl. He asked to me come outside, "I need to talk to you." So we went outside and he kept on asking me, "Do you like me? Come closer if you do." Silly me, I obeyed him. He was telling me to kiss him but I refused. He was touching me where I didn't want be touched and kept on insisting. I told him, "No, get off" and went inside. After a few minutes, he asked me to come into the kitchen, so I did. That's when I fell into temptation. We kissed and I couldn't help myself. I kept pushing him off but he pulled me in. I didn't want to and I pulled myself off because I know as a Christian girl I shouldn't be doing this. Then we committed fornication.

I was so disappointed in myself. When I went home, I started crying. From this day I haven't forgiven myself. I ask God to but, I don't know why the devil keeps reminding me of that day and how sinful I was. The worst thing is he that goes to my church, so I see him every week. When I do it reminds me of that day. I feel so guilty. I didn't tell my mum. No way do I want to her to get angry. The boy and I don't talk anymore. I want to move to another church, but there's no point of running away from something you did. I just need advice on what to do. Please reply as soon as possible.


Answer

The problem you had with this boy is that while you told him "No" with your words, he took your actions as a "Yes." Not that it justifies what what happened in any way. Because he persisted when you told him "No" and pushed him away, it doesn't matter that he eventually wore down your resistance; what he did is considered rape.

It is too late to undo what happened, but let's talk about what you should have done. You knew he had a bad reputation, yet you asked to come over his house. You were curious about what a bad boy was like, but he took this as you wanting him to show you want he could do. A person with a bad reputation should never be given half a chance.

When he started touching you inappropriately, you should have left. I'm trying to figure out why you and your friend stayed. If that wasn't enough, when he got aggressive, you should have called for your friend and left. The event outside merely told him that he could manipulate you. There is a reason he decided to rape a younger girl.

He not only got you to have sex with him, he convinced you that you asked for it. He doesn't feel guilty for what he did. Since he got what he wanted from you, he's lost interest, though he might try again if he thinks he can get away with it.

I know it is a horrible memory, but your mother really needs to know. You see, you are likely not the first girl he forced himself on. And as each girl says nothing, he sees it as permission to do it again with other girls. Responsible adults, such as your mother and your preacher, need to know so they can put a stop to this boy.

You made a big mistake. You can let that mistake ruin the rest of your life, or you can learn, change, and be a better person. You got used once, but you know better now to be used by another boy in the future.