Question

I went on vacation a month ago. It was a lot of fun, and I met many guys who almost made me question being in a relationship.

The last day of the vacation I was asked to go watch the sunrise with a guy I had met earlier that day. I told him before meeting him that I have a boyfriend and am not intending on anything. When we hung out we talked about each others relationship. I told him all about mine and how I love my boyfriend, but I'm only 16 and sometimes I wish I was more free, especially on vacation. I don't know what got into me, but we were sitting near the ocean and he told me, "What happens on vacation stays on vacation" and that "What my boyfriend doesn't know won't kill him." When he leaned in I looked away and his lips were on the side of me and then I gave in and kissed him. After a few seconds we stopped, and I instantly regretted it. I sat there contemplating what I had done. I took my phone and looked at my home screen which was me and my boyfriend. The boy looked at me and said, "If I knew you'd be this upset I wouldn't have kissed you."

After I left vacation I continued talking to this boy through text. I admit I had a little crush on him, but then we both ended it. I didn't feel so guilty until recently when I realized how much of a scum I was toward my boyfriend. I am so upset with myself and what I had done to him. I'm having a really tough time forgiving myself. I have not told him yet because I don't want to lose him. I am insanely honest, so keeping this from him is tearing me apart. The thing is I don't want him to think that he can't trust me anymore. I believe that from this experience I know what to do in the future, if it ever happens again. I've been looking at it as a learning experience, but my boyfriend is very close to me and I want him to know. However, i don't want to bring such pain to him. We have been together for a year now and I don't want it to come to and end.

Also at the time of my vacation I had been feeling very distant from my boyfriend. I wasn't receiving much affection from him, so I think that is why I did what I had done. What do you think I should do? Should I tell him? My boyfriend is on a cruise right now and doesn't get back for another week. The day he comes back is our anniversary. I had always been proud of myself because of how loyal I am, until I was put to the test that I had failed. I know that if I'm ever in the same situation that I'll act in the right way because the guilt isn't worth it. I've always been proud of my relationship because we tell each other everything, keeping this to myself is making me second guess my relationship. Seeing how much fun people have in their 20's made me realize on how much I'm going to miss out on if I stay committed, but i don't want to lose him. Also it's not like I'm betraying just one person, I'm betraying his family and friends, which makes me feel even worse.


Answer

I've noticed that in a rush to grow up, young people tend to ascribe more to initial relationships than is proper. To have a boyfriend is not the same as having a fiance or a husband. To have a husband is to make a covenant with a man before God to be exclusively his wife. To have a fiance is to state that you are planning to marry this man. Everything indicates that marriage will take place, but it doesn't rule out that something might happen between now and the marriage to cause you to change your decision. An example of this is what almost happened between Joseph and Mary. "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly" (Matthew 1:18-19). Joseph thought Mary had been unfaithful to him and God until God told him otherwise.

To have a boyfriend means you particularly like a boy, and are considering the possibility of marrying him, but you haven't made a commitment yet. However, you are treating having a boyfriend as if you were engaged or married. It is this type of thinking that causes some young people to sin sexually. They justify it because "we are talking about getting married," but that marriage hasn't taken place and may not take place.

It is good that you take your relationship seriously, but it doesn't mean that you can't consider other guys.

Still, there is another mistake that you made. You have known your boyfriend for nearly a year, but the boy you met you only had known for hours. You know your boyfriends good points and his bad points, but you know almost nothing about this boy. The tendency is to fill in the gaps in your knowledge with things you want to believe. That is why you had a short crush on this boy. This is also why it shortly fell apart. As you got to know more about each other, you realized that he isn't the type of boy you want to marry.

The boy's behavior was forward, but you also had told him that you were willing to consider other boys indirectly by words and actions. Like many boys, he saw a potential relationship as physical. From his words, I suspect he was hoping for a one day fling with you. Don't make more out of this single kiss than what was actually there. He was definitely not boyfriend material.

You are correct. This was a learning experience. It isn't something to regret, but to realize that you have a better boyfriend now than you realized. Appreciate that he treats you with respect. But treat him with respect as well. No one wants to know that he is not wanted or could be rejected for another. But if it ever comes up in conversation, which will be unlikely, you simply say, "Sure. I considered some other guys, but there was no one who measured up to you."