A distant family relative living in my house, came into my bedroom in the middle of the night. I think he started putting his hand on my hip and rubbing it. I thought i was dreaming because I can't handle my dreams. Two seconds later his hand just slipped into my panties, and he started to rub the side. I squeeze my ass and tell him to remove his hand. He does, but starts rubbing my ass. His continuing annoyed me, so I increased my voice to say "go away." While he walked away, I turn and start crying. He came back and laid his chest on my back saying, "I'm sorry. Stop crying. I don't want your parents to know or I'll get kicked out tomorrow." All I could do was nod and sob. When he left, I prayed and sobbed again. I think 20 minutes later he returned to tell me he's sorry again and that I should stop crying or they'll hear.
Later in the morning, that same day, he says that I should forgive him and that he knows God would. Now what pains me is that I wasn't able to say this: "I am not God. I was made in His likeness. The only difference is that He is the supreme Spirit who only exists of Himself, and he is wise, holy, powerful, no defect, pure and almighty. I am still on the path to try and forgive you, but I can't look at you again! The only thing that could calm me right now is if you went to run to confession at this very moment. If the priest were to deem you forgiven then I would."
I was planning to ask the priest first on what to do, but I couldn't get my mouth to open up to anybody. The next worst thing is that I had a test that day, and I couldn't think of anything else during school! I'm 14. He's 21! I'm still on the verge of deciding to tell my parents. I think it's better he learns the hard way because he used to always beat us when we did something wrong. If I told my parents he would probably be banned by the whole family. I'm confused and still crying.
Should I tell my parents? Why didn't I scream? Did I think he meant it? What should I do? Am I still worthy to be in God's presence?
I hope you answer today because it think it can only be answered today!
Your relative had no business being in your bedroom in the middle of the night, let alone touching you as he did. The reason why he was worried about your parents hearing you or finding out is because they would realize that he is a sexual predator. In addition, he knows that if he convinces you to not say anything, then he will be able to get away with more things and you won't expose him because of your own feelings of guilt.
As soon as you can, tell your parents what he did last night. You didn't do anything wrong, he did, and he's trying to cover it up. Don't let him make you feel guilty for his sins. Don't do this out of revenge for the past but for the simple fact that he did something extremely wrong.
Since you did not sin, you don't have to worry about how this incident affects your relationship with God.
Yes, you should forgive him when he repents of his sin (Luke 17:3-4); however, repentance is not telling you, "Don't tell anyone." Repentance is more than just being sorry. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). Right now he is sorry that he might get caught. He knows what he did was wrong, but he hasn't changed his mind about it. I know this because he came back into your room after you insisted that he leave.
It is easy to look back on an event and wonder why you didn't think of doing this or that. The fact is that you were taken off guard, were surprised, and perhaps a bit scared. No one thinks well in such circumstances. Don't be hard on yourself, but do learn and be better prepared.
Thank you. You have been helpful. I'm trying to live with the thought that it wasn't my fault and that if I hadn't woken up something could have happened!