Question

I started talking to my coworker a couple of days ago. We haven't seen each other in so long or even worked together because he usually works the days I don't work. Anyway I texted him first and we just talked normally like friends and then he asked me "so when are we going to hangout" and I said I don't know maybe tomorrow, I will be home alone after I get off work because my parents will be a few hours away for the day. Later on the conversation started to get weird and sexual. I'm the type of person who can't say no or I'm too scared to say no because he won't talk to me or any guy won't talk to me. So I was stupid enough to do things he asked for.

He came over. We chatted downstairs for a bit and then he asked me to show him my room. I did and from that point we got into the mood and it was too late for me to say no.

That night I couldn't believe I gave someone who is 90% not worth my time or close to being my boyfriend or anything. He is just a coworker and I ended up giving him something that I always wanted to keep for my future husband. He took my virginity.

It didn't hit me until the next day. I was alone and I was thinking to myself how did I do that? Why did I do that? I felt terrible because I am a good girl. I always was a good girl, but now I think I'm bad because of the mistakes that I have done to myself. I regret bringing him over my house when my parents weren't home. I regret him touching me and taking away something so pure, so sacred, and special away from me and my future husband. I feel very guilty and I don't know what to do about it because you can't do anything.

I talked to my cousin. She's like my older sister. I told her about what happened and she's the only person who knows about this situation. I just don't know what to do. I gave something so valuable to a guy who I know I won't even marry. I can't even describe our relationship. We didn't really talk at all outside of work and I haven't talked to him ever since the last time we worked together, which was a few months ago. We literally just texted four days ago and boom it happened. It's crazy. I feel like I'll never get married or have a happy future because I ruined it for myself. I feel like God won't forgive me for the mistake that I have done because I noticed I don't really have any good luck, I always have bad luck especially when it comes to relationships. I was waiting for a serious relationship. Someone who would soon want me to be his wife and follow Christianity. I went into the wrong path and I'm trapped now I just don't what to do. My life is ruined I'm only 18.

I need God in my life more I don't know how to become closer to God. Every time I pray He doesn't really answer my prayers. My cousin told me the only thing I should do is to stop talking to him and all I can really do is pray. I feel horrible and I wish God will forgive me for all the bad naughty sins I have committed. I'm really sorry.

Can you please help me and give me helpful advice to what the right thing to do please?


Answer

It isn't often that I run into someone who exemplifies what the Bible calls being naive or simple-minded. I don't point this out to be insulting or mean. The simple from a biblical point of view are people who lack both experience and knowledge. They are dangerous to themselves because they are too trusting. "The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps" (Proverbs 14:15). The simple doesn't see in advance where things are going and, therefore, end up in danger. "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished" (Proverbs 22:3).

So let's talk just for a moment the warning signs that you ignored. You had a man you only knew casually who wanted to spend time with you. That would not have been bad by itself, but you immediately invited him to your house when no one else would be there. You could have picked any time and any place, so why did you select to have him over when no one else was there. Your actions tell me that you did know what he was looking for and you found it exciting to take the risk. Because you mentioned that your parents would not be there and told him how long he had, he concluded that you were inviting him to have sex with you when your parents would not know.

Because of this, his conversation turned sexual. You participated and thus encouraged him. "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7). Again, by your actions, you stated that you knew what he was after and you accepted it. You knew what was on his mind and what he wanted to do. You had a whole night to change your mind, but you did nothing.

You allowed him in. When he asked to go to your bedroom, you willingly took him there. You allowed yourself to be inappropriately touched. Though you said it was too late to say no, it never was. Again, by your action you indicated you willingness to have sex with this man. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). Repeatedly you had opportunities to stop these sins, but you chose to continue. Only you can say why, but it is clear to me that it isn't the case of not being able to say no. Nor is it honest to say he took away your virginity. That makes it sound like he forced himself on you.

Later you realized that despite all that you heard, the physical act of sex wasn't nearly as fun and exciting as you imagined it to be. You regretted that you decided to do it with a man you really didn't care about. There seems to be hint that you were hoping to snag a serious boyfriend by offering sex to a guy, but you found out the hard way that it doesn't work that way.

What he did was wrong, but the honest truth is that he had a willing partner in this sin.

You made a big mistake. But all sins can be forgiven if the person admits to God that he was wrong (I John 1:9), and he repents (II Corinthians 7:10-11). Repentance means changing your attitude in regards to what you did, making no more excuses for it, and changing your behavior. God keeps His promise concerning forgiveness, but that doesn't mean you will be shielded from the consequences of your bad choices. Your virginity is gone because you threw it away, but it isn't critical to find a good husband.

Another consequence is the possibility of you becoming pregnant. You didn't mention whether he used a condom -- not that condom is a guarantee against pregnancy.

Finally, it is clear that you are not the first girl he has had sex with. There is a possibility that you could have gotten a sexually transmitted disease from him. You should see your doctor and make sure that you did not pick up a disease.