Question

My boyfriend has not been to church in the four years after his dad died. We met at the park and we sort of clicked as if out of nowhere. We started talking about a week ago. It's kind of crazy because we rushed into a relationship really quick. We are still learning things about each other, but we've noticed we've both been through a lot and were actually happy with each other. We talk and every second we have we give thanks to God, for each other and for everything he has done.

But for some reason my mom's boyfriend does not approve. He says he doesnt like this kid, but he's a good kid, honestly. And I love him -- I can actually say that. I feel like he is my blessing because ever since the day I met him there's always a smile on my face. He came to church with me yesterday for my birthday and it went well, but my mom's boyfriend was mad. I don't know why. Can you help with anything I should say or do?


Answer

One week is not enough time to know anyone well. To claim to love someone you never knew less than a month ago is not being reasonable. See: Love is ... and Love is Different.

What I suspect is that your mother's boyfriend doesn't trust him because the relationship is getting too serious too quickly. After all, there are guys who will pretend to be religious just so they can have sex. I'm sure your mom's boyfriend understands this. In other words, he thinks this boy is pretending.

The only way to know is time. Don't rush into a serious relationship. Take your time to get to know each other. Meet his family and friends. Learn more about who he is and who he was before he met you. If you are right, it will be proven by his behavior. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).

I know it's only been a few weeks and I understand, but he is different. He respects me and I'm not rushing into anything. He understands me and what I've been through and what I'm going through and he doesn't care about how things will end up. People in my congregation are telling my mom that he can't date me unless he's a Christian. Is this true?

In other words, I don't know why I fell in love with him instantly. Him as well. We say the same things, sometimes even think the same things. He doesn't try to get me out of church. He respects my religion. I don't have a problem with him. My mom likes him as well but her boyfriend says he doesn't want to see me get hurt. But I'm not going to. I know, yeah, I'm young and I still have much to learn and grow, but I think if he would give him a chance it would be better. We're not moving fast. We're still barely getting to know each other. We don't do things like that. And, yeah, I know there's guys like that, but not him. I know I've prayed on it. And my moms praying he's not like that, and I honestly believe he's not

I'm not against your boyfriend. I'm just pointing out that words are easy. That is why you have to put emphasis on learning about what he does and who he is with other people. After all, he is trying to impress you, so he's on his best behavior for you. These things take time to learn.

You didn't read the two articles I sent links to. If you had, you would have realized that love is not an emotion, but a choice. You can't love someone instantly. You can have an instant interest in someone, and it may grow into love, but love is not an emotional response.

When you are dating someone, the idea is to see if that person will make a good lifetime companion for you. It isn't just about how you feel know. It is more about what life in the future will be like with him. That is where being of two different religious beliefs become an issue. Now, perhaps because of your influence he might turn back to Christ and that would be wonderful. But if he doesn't, you have to consider what that does to your children. Children who grow up with parents of two different beliefs tend to become atheists.

Even in the near term, you have to be careful because his standards of morality may not match your own. I'm not saying don't date the boy. I'm saying take your time and be cautious.