I don't know where to start. When thinking about how I lost the fire for God because of engaging myself in a relationship, I can't help it, I cry. I am a 22 year old lady. I am a born again Christian. My boyfriend is 24. We met last year. I received Christ as my Lord and Savior several years ago. My problem is that I once told myself that I won't marry a guy who is not born again and drinking, but unfortunately I fell in love with him.
I started dating my boyfriend and I started lacking in my Christian life. I was a committed church member, praying in tongues, having visions, Sunday school teacher and I was also in a praise team. Not that I cannot pray in tongues anymore, I do, but it's not something I do daily like I used to and I cannot have visions anymore. My boyfriend loves me so much, but he is not born again and he is drinking. It's weird because every day at 3 am he wakes up and prays (praying for our relationship).
Today I found myself crying when thinking how I have distanced myself from God. I want to go back and serve the Lord, but I'm drowning in sin. I sleep with my boyfriend and the problem is I always feel guilty, but he does not see a problem with that. I once told him that I want us to stop having sex because it's wrong. But I end up being the one going to his house and having sex with him again. I don't stay with him because I'm still studying and he completed last year. But whenever I visit him definitely we will have sex.
I feel so bad about this, and I don't know what to do. I really need advice. I stopped going to church and I feel this is not who I am. What's wrong with me?
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).You also are telling yourself lies when you say that you can't help it. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). You've always had choices, but you've regularly decided to sin.
Until you make up your mind to truly and completely follow God, there isn't much I can do for you. I could give you excellent advice, but you already ignore the commands of Jesus, so what will my small contributions do to change your mind?