I'm twelve years old. Now that I'm older, I seem to find happiness in boys, my laptop, social media and etc. For some reason, it makes me feel like I'm not saved and it scares me. If I find enjoyment in that stuff, and not so much in Christ, it creates a huge conflict. It feels like it's all about rules. I know I should serve God, be a good person and be all innocent, but it's hard. I'm ashamed of how I feel, and I'm so guilty. It's weird when I pray because of my sin. I feel like God is ashamed too. I know He'll forgive, but He won't forgive me if I may or may not kind of enjoy boys and stuff more than reading my Bible and stuff. I'm just looking for advice because I'm so guilty. Please, help me out.
Salvation is not about feelings, it is about knowing that you are doing what God wants of you. "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6). Of course, knowing you are doing as God desires makes you feel good about yourself, but your feelings are the way to determine whether you are doing right or not. Your feelings can be wrong.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying life, so long as you do so in a way that is consistent with God's teachings. "Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh, for childhood and youth are vanity. Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near when you say, "I have no pleasure in them"" (Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1). God's laws exist to keep us out of troubles that can ruin our lives in the future. For example, in directing you how to behave with boys, it will keep you from messing up your life with baby out of wedlock.