Question

I am 18 and just finished high school with a perfect GPA. My SAT scores were enough to get me into some good pre-med programs, but my dad refused to pay because of a lack of money. So, I rejected all my college offers, and just wrote my SAT again to apply for the upcoming Spring semester. I managed to get a 50% tuition fee reduction, but my dad still doesn't want to pay for me. Now, he's almost looking for excuses to drive me away from college - whether it's the fact that I'm a girl, or that I can't live alone, or that my degree will be useless.

I honestly worked so hard to get my GPA, and I'm scared that he's going to ruin it for me. I don't have the courage to speak up because he can put me down within seconds by threatening me that he won't pay for my further education or won't pass on his knowledge about the world to me.

I know he's doing this because I'm close to my mom, and he hates that. I'm positive his blood boils when he sees me talking to her. He has always abused her mentally and sometimes physically. He even stopped her from talking to her own family, and stopped her from praying and going to Church for a while. Ever since I spoke up to him about that, he started treating me the same way he treats her: like dirt. I've grown now, and realized that he won't ever change, so I do my best to just be a rock for my mom, and help her if she needs it. 

My mom is my true hero. She prays everyday, and works so hard for our family, but lately she has been upset because she feels that everything is going against her. She has endured my dad's treatment for over 20 years, and I can't blame her for feeling that way. I told her that when I get into college that she should leave my dad and live her own life. 

And me, I know my purpose. I just want to help the world. I don't have dreams of owning big cars or be super rich, I just want to help anyone in need.

I have it fixed in my mind that since God has given me so much, and it is my duty to repay Him by repaying the world in any way I can. That's why I want my college education, so that I can help those in need by becoming a doctor later on.

I'm just scared and I have no one. I can't burden my mom with my problems. I pray often, but the anxiety is killing me. I have horrible insomnia, and suicidal thoughts. It's been hard to hold on when things are going completely against you. I just want to help people, nothing else. But that doesn't seem to be in my favor.

Thank you,


Answer

You are approaching adulthood, so you need to start acting like an adult. Your parents don't owe you a college education. It is nice if they are able to help pay for your schooling, but if your dad can't pay for it, then you need to find ways to put yourself through college. With your grades, you should be able to find several scholarships to pay for school. Talk to the financial aid department at the schools which have accepted you. Apply for every scholarship that you might qualify for. Check into government grant money. If you must, plan on working and going to school at the same time. You won't have much of a life, but it will be worth the effort.