Question

Hello Good day,

I was wondering where to get advice and I stumbled upon your site. I am a who that has made a lot of mistakes in life. I was raped by my uncles at an early age, and I couldn't tell my parents because I thought it was my fault. This made me to enter into a relationship at an early age and engaged in the sin of fornication.

I love God and fear Him, but I keep asking Him why He allowed this to happen to me at a young age. I hated the relationship I was in and wanted to get out of it, but I couldn't. I became sick and had severe migraine headaches. I was becoming depressed. With all these happening I still go to church and pray. However, I got admitted to a school abroad, and I was so happy that I am leaving the relationship and far from my past life. I came abroad and I promised God that I wouldn't engage myself in any relationship, that I will dedicate my time to my studies and God.

I got closer to God but I made the same mistake again. I met this guy and he approached me for friendship, but I turned his proposal down. He kept pestering me. He is a good person and humble, so I got attached to him. I told him my decision not to engage in any sinful relationship and he respected that. Then I losed my restraint around him, and we started kissing. My conscience told me to stop getting closer to him, but I shut it out. I let my feelings to take over. Everything happened so fast. I losed the zeal to pray and I stopped reading my Bible. My conscience kept telling me to change my way, but I ignored it. Before I knew it, I found myself on his bed. I am so ashamed of myself. I don't even know how to face God in prayer. Although after the act we were so sorry we knelt down together the next day to ask for forgiveness.

Please, I need an advice on how to fall back in track with God. And should I also stop talking to the boy? I am scared that God hasn't healed me because of my sin. Please tell me what to do.


Answer

I sorry about your childhood. No child should face what you faced. I know that such things causes dilemmas in child as they grow and often leads them to make bad choices in their own lives. What happened to you isn't an excuse for your choices, only an understanding of your confusion.

Along the way, you developed a habit of letting things happen and not stopping things when you realized what was going wrong. You didn't turn your uncles in. When your relationship with your boyfriend turned bad, you didn't leave him. Instead, you became passive.

Your chance to study overseas allowed you an out without confrontation. You never did make a stand. You were determined to not repeat your history but because you never took a stand when history started repeating, you did what you have always done, and went with the flow. You knew you were going wrong -- that is why you stopped praying and reading your Bible -- it was incompatible with your thoughts.

By the way, that also tells me that you did have warning in advance and that it isn't true that things went too fast for you to be able to say no. Nor am I impressed with a guy who pesters and then seduces a girl into having sex with him. What he did does not match the description of a good and humble guy.

I don't know if you are interested in this boy or not. I don't know if you think he is husband material or not. If not, you are best leaving him because chances are that he will continue to arrange "accidental" or "unintentional" sexual events.

If he is husband material and if he truely repented of his sin, then you will have to reset the relationship where the two of you don't go over to each others homes. You don't do inappropriate things that leads to creating lust in the other person, such as sexual touching. If the two of you can't restrain yourselves, then you need to break up.