Can you help me?
When I was 5 years old, a 6-year-old boy led me to a well-hidden place on the primary school's playground and, with some friends covering him, he pulled down my trousers and my underwear and began … how can I say… to kiss my genitalia. I was a child. I really didn't understand what was actually happening, but I ran when I could. I told my teacher what that boy did, but she didn't seem to believe me.
I'm very ashamed of it and no one knows, not even my mother. I thought she wouldn't understand. From time to time, that day suddenly appears on my mind and I cry or feel really down. There are days, though, I find it all ridiculous and nonsense and think that it's not a really important thing. But last year, I developed kind of a "rape phobia." I try and avoid this subject whenever I can. When I simply have to stay and listen, I begin to feel kind of a panic. Do you think my rape fear is related with that event of the boy who did it?
Thank you and God bless you!
What the boy did was a form of rape. I'm sorry that your teacher did not believe you, but you should have told your mother, especially since other adults did not believe you. However, the past is over. It cannot be changed. Technically there is nothing to be ashamed of because you did not do anything wrong. The boys involved in what happened should have been ashamed and punished.
So let's focus on the present instead of the unchanging past. What was done does not have to affect you unless you let it. Just because it happened years ago, it doesn't mean it will happen to you again. Instead of being terrified, you should find sympathy for the victims. You understand their plight better than most people.
Wow! I've always thought I was giving too much importance to this subject. I found it was just a fool fear, but you opened my eyes. I didn't work my problem out, so I'm still afraid of my fear. Thank you so much!