Question

I read a few answers on your web site about physical intimacy and I have few questions. I was in a relationship for several years and we went a little too much physically. I wanted to marry him, but my parents didn't accept him. I repented if my sexual sins but those thoughts kill me even after a few years. One of my best friends, who wanted to marry me, asked me how close I was with my boyfriend. I explained and he left me after knowing what happened. He's seen nude pictures of me before leaving! This is making me even more guilty after knowing that he won't marry me.

My parents are now searching for a boy and I'm not ready to marry! Should I tell about my past to my future partner? Should I marry now? How do I know God's will? I feel so broken and guilty!

Please help. Thank you!


Answer

You seem to be trying to find a spouse by means that God has forbidden and then are shocked that they don't work. Sex is reserved for married couples only (Hebrews 13:4). When you are not married (intending to get married or not), it is a sin to have sex. Since sex is forbidden, it should not be surprising that the things leading to sex are also forbidden. There should be no lewd behavior or lusting for sex (Romans 13:13-14), no sexual touching (I Corinthians 7:1), no seeing each other naked or exposing the sexual organs (I Thessalonians 4:3-5), and no sending nude pictures or talking about sex (Ephesians 5:3-7).

If someone you are considering marrying wants to know if you had sexual experiences, then you have to answer honestly. Anything else would be lying. Let's assume that you had not told this man the truth and he found out after you got married, he would be angry that he was deceived and your marriage would be miserable. Better that you found out about his rejection of who you are now than to find out later. You need a man who loves you for who you are, including your past mistakes.

You have been talking about marrying two different men, but now you are saying you're not ready to marry to your parents. That is not consistent. If you would rather find your own husband, then say so, but don't tell them something that is clearly not true.