I need your advice. I am a 25year old girl who is in a relationship for 3 years now. Prior to this, I was a virgin with the intent to remain this way until after marriage. In school, while all my friends were dating, I used to pray that the only man I start a relationship with should be my husband-to-be. I even asked God for all I wanted in a man. Then, I fell in love with a guy from my fellowship. I looked up to him and admired how he loved the things of the Lord.
But within a few months into our relationship, we began having sex anytime he came to visit me. Anytime we had sex, I would cry and beg God to forgive me. This continued until after university.
I have become so weak spiritually with no prayer life at all. I graduated top of my class, but I can't get a job. I tried to get a scholarship for graduate school, but I always get turned down. I feel like my life is already over. Recently, I was so down I even started thinking of suicide. I've tried to pray about this, but I just feel like God is punishing me for this sin. I can't even pray.
Please help me.
Hoping to hear from you soon.
"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
While you sorrow over your sins, it isn't motivating you to change your behavior; thus, you are only sorrowing as the world sorrows.
While you and your boyfriend play at being Christians, you do not live the life. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Your behavior states that you value having a boyfriend over having Jesus in your life.
Therefore, you need to get serious about God. If your boyfriend touches you inappropriate or talks about having sex, you need to kick him out or leave. Hang up if the conversation is not appropriate. If he leaves you because you won't have sex with him, so be it. He clearly demonstrates that he isn't interested in serving Christ.
Once you know you are putting God first, it will be easier to talk with Him through prayer. Knowing that you have standards that you follow will lead to you having more respect for yourself.
Thank you so much.