Last updated on November 2, 2020
Question:
I found your website, and even though I’m a bit nervous to ask what I’m about to ask, I need to know how to address this in confession.
To start off I’m a young lady. Is it a sin to touch your boyfriend in private areas? I’m still a virgin, and I plan to stay one until marriage, but when I go to confession, how do I address this? It just happened, and I plan to go later on to confess. Is it a sin for your partner to kiss your breasts? And is it a sin for your partner to rub outside or inside your pants? If it is then I need that all to stop, and I will talk to my partner about this. We both go to church, so we are trying our best not to give in.
When answered, thank you for everything. God bless.
Answer:
From the wording in your note, I deduce that you are Roman Catholic. Before answering your question, I want to make clear that I am a plain, simple Christian. I am not Roman Catholic, nor do I teach Roman Catholic doctrine, though I’m very familiar with their teachings. I show people what the Bible says. Sometimes it agrees with Roman Catholic teachings, sometimes it disagrees. In this particular case, you’ll find that the Roman Catholics teach something similar to what the Bible teaches.
“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). By “touch” Paul is referring to sexual touching — touches that are designed to get the other person sexually excited. Even though it is written that a man should not sexually touch a woman, the same reasons would forbid a woman from sexually touching a man.
Why was sexual touching between unmarried people forbidden? The next verse tells us: “But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband” (I Corinthians 7:2). “Immoralities” is actually too vague in this translation. The word here in Greek is porneia which refers to having sex when you are not married to another person. The simple fact is that sexual touching leads to lewd behavior and lewd behavior leads to sex.
Notice how far you’ve already progressed. You’ve both have had your hands down each other’s pants, and I would suspect that if he is kissing your breasts, then he has managed to get your blouse and bra off. While these things feel good, consider why they are being done. You are both getting yourselves sexually aroused. When you are aroused, you don’t think clearly; instead, you act on instinct — instincts that are geared to having intercourse. If you were truly not wanting to fall off a cliff, you don’t see how far you can hang your toes over the edge without falling off, you back away from the cliff and stay as far from the edge as you can get. If you don’t want his penis inside you, then you need to stay away from the acts that lead to that conclusion. “Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on” (Proverbs 4:14-15).
Keep in mind that just because a person goes to church, it does not follow that they are a good person. I hope that your boyfriend is not a typical male. There are far too many boys who will say whatever a girl wants to hear, but whose actions are pushing toward having sex. Each time he wants to go just a little bit further, take off a little bit more clothing, and do just a little bit more sexual acts. Somewhere along the line, the dam of restraint bursts, and intercourse happens. Then you’ll be writing to me and saying “I don’t know what happened. It was an accident. It just went further than we wanted.” But such is never an accident.
Thus, God’s command is to stay off the path that leads to a sinful destination. It is hard enough to resist sexual impulses — don’t stir them up.
Response:
We had a talk. It went well. He said that I don’t have to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. I thank you for this. It helped me out. God bless. Have a great day.