Last updated on November 12, 2024
Question:
Hello,
I am a 17-year-old girl entering her last semester of high school. I have a dad who has been a deacon at every congregation we attended and a god-fearing mother. I, unlike my parents, have been a loud activist, whether it be about marginalized people, disabled people, women, you name it. Not to say my parents don’t care. They just aren’t as vocal as I am.
Starting at a young age, I was also a major zealot for Christ. I would proclaim my faith to anyone, anywhere, always. I was so inspired by our minister, too. At six, I wrote my own sermon, excited to show the minister and ask for his approval to speak that following Sunday. On the car ride, seeing my excitement, my parents asked about the letter I had written. After explaining my intentions, my parents kindly informed me that I would never be able to tell the congregation my sermon as I was a girl. I was immediately confused. My parents had always told me never to let anyone discriminate against me. That is probably why I feel confident about enrolling in college and striving for a computer science degree in a male-dominated field. My father explained to me the reality of my being a woman, and that silence and submissiveness were required of me. Unsatisfied with his male point of view, I asked my mother. My sweet mother is very passive. She does not care about much of anything. She told me that she frankly has never even thought to care because she has never wanted to give a sermon. Unsatisfied with what I then perceived as a dismissive attitude, I asked fellow six-year-old girls at my church. I got answers that were very characteristic of six-year-olds and thus left still unsatisfied. When I was 12, the boys I grew up with began giving their own sermons. Though I should have been happy for them, I was far from it.
I hated this new concept that the boys I used to play with after service now had authority over me. Seeing my new state of self, my mom lovingly signed me up to work with the infants with her. Besides the car ride at 6, I feel like this was the catalyst for my attitude toward my role as a woman of God. I hated working in the nursery. I hated the idea that one of my areas to shine was dealing with screaming babies and keeping my mouth shut. At maybe 13, I started teaching very young kids. I didn’t feel as if I was necessary because I was fully aware that if, at any time, a man decided he wanted to teach the class, I would be given the boot without a second thought. I started to hate going to church because I felt so second class. And not just me, when I attended ladies classes when I was older and learned just how intelligent they all were, I realized how robbed all the men in my congregation were of the lovely ladies because these women will never be able to speak in their presence. As it stand, I am sure that I will never leave the church, I just hate that I haven’t been so zealous and so in love with walking into church since I was six years old.
Is there something I am missing? Is staying in the church a waste of my time if I can’t contain these feelings? If this makes sense, I feel incredibly human, and the laws commanded of me make me feel as if I am not.
Answer:
I’m left wondering if you are willing to listen or if your mind is made up, and you’ll dismiss my answer because I am a man.
There is only one supreme authority in this universe, and that is God. Everyone else must submit to higher authority in their lives. When you work, you have to submit to your boss. Your boss has to submit to the owner of the company. Students have to submit to teachers. Teachers have to submit to superintendents.
Being in authority doesn’t necessarily mean the person is smarter. I’ve known plenty of employees who were more clever than their bosses. I teach computer science at a community college, and I’ve had students who knew more than I did on at least parts of what I was teaching, but I am still the teacher.
Being in authority isn’t always the best position. Countless people dream, “If I were the boss, I would …” But being in charge isn’t always fun because you are responsible for what happens. You can’t blame anyone else because you are the one in charge.
God told Israel, who were complaining about how God was sending them into captivity, “You turn things around! Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, That what is made would say to its maker, ‘He did not make me’; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘He has no understanding’?” (Isaiah 29:16). Too often, we think we know better than God how the world should be run. But all that does is make the complainer look foolish. It doesn’t change anything. God is still God, and we are still His handiwork.
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ” (I Corinthians 11:3). This is how God specified the lines of authority. It doesn’t mean that men are better than women or women are better than men. “For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God” (I Corinthians 11:12). However, God has His reasons for the order of authority. “For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake” (I Corinthians 11:8-9). The first reason is that Adam (representing men) was created first. Men were put in charge because of the right of the firstborn in the family of mankind. The second reason is that Eve (representing women) was specifically created to be a helper of man (Genesis 2:18).
Paul repeats this argument in I Timothy 2:12-14. “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” He adds a third argument here. In the fall of man, it was Eve who was deceived by Satan. The implication is that Adam was not deceived when he sinned. Why does this mean that men were placed in authority? God is making them responsible. You could say it is a punishment.
You can rail against the system God declared, but it won’t change anything. You haven’t been called upon to advise God. What you can do is work within the framework God has established. Use your talents to teach other women. Write articles. Publish workbooks. Help the poor and needy with your talents. “For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired” (I Corinthians 12:14-18).
Serving God requires humility and submission for both men and women. I’m an elder in a church, but I don’t make the rules. I teach the rules God has given. I get blamed when things get hard. If someone leaves the church because they think there is more freedom in doing things their own way, I’m the one who gets blamed for “driving them off.” Yet, I knew all of this when I accepted the challenge of leading a group of God’s people. I have learned to accept my lot in life. Learn to accept the duties that God has given you.
“Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:5-10).
Response:
Thank you for the response.
You’re right that “railing against the system” is pointless. God is the one in charge, and I know better than to oppose him. This is a very thought-out response, and I appreciate you caring enough about someone you don’t even know to put that much time into it.
Have a good one, and thanks again.