Question:
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
When I was younger, an adult from my orchestra touched me. I’m unsure if it was an accident, but it was not a huge deal as it was a minimal touch. Late that month, students in her orchestra were talking about “gay.” After those two things, I started having sexual, realistic dreams even though I hadn’t seen anything sexually related until after those two things. I began to wonder if I was gay, but after a while, the Lord brought teachers to me to show me that just because I’m chill about guys doesn’t mean I’m gay.
Years later, after all those dreams, I used to masturbate but stopped and haven’t done it since. I began having sexual dreams in which I’d partly wake up while masturbating. I felt repentant afterward, but I kept having dreams. Perhaps this is from some videos I watch, but even when I repent and do not watch them, the dreams and sleep masturbation come, and I don’t like it. Could it be a hormonal thing, or is my mind clogged with the videos?
Part of my worrying about whether I was gay came from the fact that no boys had shown interest in me, so that left me stuck hanging out only with other girls. In other people’s observations, I sometimes don’t act or move very feminine, but I know I’m a girl.
Thank you, I understand if you’re very busy.
Answer:
It is unfortunate that people taunt others simply because they don’t behave exactly as everyone else. Men and women have a range of behaviors and some of those behaviors overlap. It sounds to me that you haven’t met a man that interests you yet and that is fine.
Erotic dreams in women are tied to hormone fluxations, especially around the time of ovulation.
“Certain factors may contribute to the occurrence or frequency of sexual dreams, including:
Childhood experiences: Some research suggests that adverse childhood experiences, such as parental abuse, may lead to more frequent sex dreams and influence the type of sex dreams people have.
Hormonal fluctuations: Changes in hormone levels during puberty, menstruation, or pregnancy may have an impact on the frequency of sexual dreams.
Stress and mood: Research shows that heightened stress and daytime mood can influence the nature of dreams, suggesting that stress during waking hours may influence the content of sex dreams.
Medication: Certain medications may affect sleep cycles and trigger more vivid or distressing dreams, which may include sex-themed dreams.”
[Lindsay Curtis. “Interpreting Sexual Dreams: Can They Tell Us Anything?” Very Well Health, 10 June 2024].
Nothing you mentioned indicates that you are desiring homosexual relationships. Unlike modern claims, homosexuality is a choice, just like any other sin.