Question:
Hello,
If possible, I wanted to send a question and get a biblical answer. If you’d like to state it that way, the question is regarding a childhood action, memory, or sin.
I was maybe either 10 or 11 or 12. I don’t remember exactly, but I was a little girl myself. The point is I had a baby girl cousin at the time, and I believe she was 1 year old or could be less. I remember one day being with her in her room on the floor. I sat down as I was like carrying her, hugging her on my lap, and I started making a humping motion as she sat on my lap. I remember exploring my body and feelings at that age, so you could say I knew what I was doing.
This memory surfaced when I came to Christ a few years ago. I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I know I was a child myself, but my question is, I’m currently suffering from a condemnation type of feeling, and I’m wondering if I must go back to my past and confess that one-time act to her. I’m not sure what this act is considered. She most likely does not remember because she was very small, younger than me, and practically a baby. If I were to confess this childhood memory to her and apologize, I would feel like I could do more harm than good. We had a good relationship until a couple of years ago when our family stopped talking.
It would be greatly appreciated if I could get a biblical explanation or answer to what to do. I feel like I live under condemnation with all my past failures, sins, and mistakes, and this condemning feeling happens here and there when my mind goes back to thinking about my past since I struggle with obsessing over thoughts, failures, and so on.
Thank you in advance. I hope for a truthful biblical answer or what would you guys do in my situation?
Answer:
When a person repents of sin, they will try to undo any damage their sin might have caused. But you did not mention doing anything wrong. You were bouncing a baby, and because you were just coming into your sexuality, the bouncing caused you to be sexually aroused. Nothing happened to the child. You were embarrassed that your body had that reaction, but that was the extent of it. Confessing what happened doesn’t undo anything. It doesn’t change the past.
What you are actually doing is adding rules that God never gave. “Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?” (Ecclesiastes 7:16). In modern terminology, it is called scrupulosity, a form of OCD that revolves around religion. You are convinced that you have to earn God’s salvation. You think that only if you do everything perfectly will you be confident that God has saved you. Yet, this has nothing to do with salvation.
Everyone sins (Romans 3:23). None deserve salvation or can save ourselves. “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)” (Galatians 2:1-5). Our salvation results from God’s love for us when we were unlovable. God doesn’t owe us salvation. He freely offers it.
While salvation is offered to everyone, not everyone is saved because most people decline to accept God’s give. “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:1-2). God requires faith on our part to open the door to His gift of salvation. The faith doesn’t earn salvation. It merely meets the requirement that God set down for everyone. Faith comes from what we learn from God (Romans 10:17). Even that teaching by God regarding what we are expected to do is a gift from God. And James tells us that faith is more than a declaration or a thought. Faith is expressed in our actions (James 2:14-26). We eagerly do what God tells us because we appreciate His offered gift. Among the things God tells us to do is to leave sin (repent) and wash our sins away (in baptism) (Romans 6:1-7). “Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you–not the removal of dirt from the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience–through the resurrection of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 3:21).
Are there things in my past that I wish I had not done? Of course! But I know that God keeps His promises. I obeyed God’s requirements, so I know I am saved. Not that I’m content to rest on that. I have a God to serve through the rest of my life. “More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:8-14). You don’t move forward by wallowing in the past. You have to trust that God has forgiven your past sins and move on to better serve God.