Question:
I have never been in a relationship before until I got to the University and meet a guy. We started off as friends, but we realized we had feelings for each other. Things between us got heated, from pecks to kisses but not deep ones. I allowed him to grind me two times. We both don’t want to do something we would regret.
He is almost twenty and I’m eighteen. I’m so frustrated now because I feel I’m committing a great sin in the eyes of God. I don’t allow him to touch my genitals. I try sending him devotional books to build our Christian life. We still don’t know the name to give to what is between us. He once asked for sex and I got really angry with him. I told him if sex is all he wants then this relationship won’t go far. We normally sleep on his bed and cuddle each other. When I’m with him I’m happy though, but when I get back to my room and think about certain things then I start having regrets, and when I don’t hear from him sometimes I don’t feel okay.
He told me he is new to this kind of relationship because he has never been into a girl like this before. He opens up to me so much, and he wishes our relationship would go far if only I don’t leave him.
Both of us have the same goal though, we advise each other and talk about the word of God sometimes. I have never shown him my naked body because I feel it’s a sin. He told me he likes me very much, so do I, but my question is: Am I sinning against God, and is this guy right for me?
Answer:
I’m concerned because it seems you are viewing what is going on through the lens of what you want this to be. What stands out to me is that he pushes the relationship toward sex and only stops because you stop him. Twice now he has dry humped you so while he hasn’t touched your genitals directly, there has been sexual touching through clothing. Now that I think about it, your note says that he hasn’t touched your genitals, but you didn’t state that you haven’t touched his. He hasn’t seen you naked, but you didn’t say whether you have seen him. I don’t know if this was an oversight or avoidance.
You also say he has the same goal as you and you try to make it appear that he lives a Christian life. But his behavior doesn’t match that of a faithful Christian. Paul said, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1), but avoiding sexual touching is being violated. Jesus said that evil starts with lust (Mark 7:21-23) and it is clear that lust is a strong part of why you two are together. Sin isn’t just in having sex when you aren’t married. Lust leads to sexual touching, which leads to lewd behavior, which can lead to fornication. All of these are sins.
I have the impression of a guy who says all the right things that a girl wants to hear in hopes that she will eventually let her guard down. Perhaps there is more here, but I see a lot of danger signals.