Last updated on October 29, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I was saved recently. I wanted to do this to start fresh with my life and do all the things God wants me to do. Before I was saved, my boyfriend and I had a very intimate relationship. Ever since I got saved the fornication stopped. Months went by and we were really having problems in our relationship. We had sex again. I feel so bad, and I really want God to forgive me. How do I stop myself from temptation? Do I have to get saved again to get my sin washed?
Answer:
Once a person becomes a Christian through baptism, they remain a Christian. Sin remains an issue to be dealt with, even though Christians start with a clean slate when they are saved. “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (I John 1:5-2:1).
Repentance, the changing of your mind about sin and your behavior toward sin, is also required. “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
I’m guessing that you are failing because you are focused on not having intercourse, but you are allowing yourself to get involved in sexual behavior that leads up to intercourse. Usually, you are able to stop before things go too far, but instinct can take over and you get caught up in the moment. What you have to realize is that you can’t play with fire and be surprised that you sometimes end up being burned. See: How do we hold out until marriage when we’ve already been sexual?
If your boyfriend is not as committed as you are to stopping the sex, then you are always going to face temptations. You fell into the trap of thinking that if your boyfriend has sex with you, then he must love you. Many girls see sex as a result of an emotional feeling of love. Boys tend to see sex as something done and if you do it with someone you love it can be better. You can’t fix a broken relationship or keep a boy with you through sex.
Stopping fornication is only half of the problem. Once sex enters into a relationship, it quickly dominates it. Most of your time together revolves around sexually stimulating each other, by words, by visuals, and by touch. The result is that you stop getting to know each other as persons. Thus, to counter what has happened, you need to fill your time together with non-sexual activities and conversations.
Response:
Thank you so much! I now have been reassured! Thanks for the guidance! I needed this!