Last updated on October 22, 2020
Question:
Hello. I am a 22 year old lady, born again, and my question concerns masturbation and sexual sin.
I have been struggling with masturbation and sexual sin since I have come into the faith. I have done all that I know to do: I have prayed about it, set boundaries like not being alone all the time, I have confessed Scriptures, and I have asked God to show me the root of the sin and to deal with it, but so far nothing has worked. This has been the cause as to why I am never constantly in the presence of God. To be honest, I am starting to believe that God is tired of me asking for forgiveness. I do not understand why other believers can do it, and I seem to always fail. A lot of times I have wanted to give up on the purity journey. What am I doing wrong?
Thank you, your advice will be highly appreciated.
Answer:
For now, I will assume that your question is about masturbation. Since you have left “sexual sin” vague, I don’t get the impression that you are having trouble with having sex with boys. Instead, you appear to be expressing problems with personal and private sinful thoughts about sex.
Females don’t have a biological need for masturbation. There is a strong desire for sexual stimulation, but there is no requirement as there is with needing to drink, to eat, or to relieve yourself. Masturbation is simply done to pursue sexual pleasure.
Therefore, what you are telling me is that you lack self-control, but that is a quality that all Christians are to cultivate. “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (I Corinthians 9:24-27). Self-control, or temperance, is a quality that Christians develop because they are following the teachings of God (Galatians 5:22-23) and it is something each Christian is to cultivate and grow in (II Peter 1:5-8).
God doesn’t get tired of forgiving people, but notice that you are expressing weariness in trying to manage your own actions. “But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good” (II Thessalonians 3:13). One of Satan’s tricks is to convince Christians that doing with is right is just too hard and that giving up would be so much better. But that direction is a trap from which few people find their way out of. Once you convince yourself that you can’t do it, then you rarely will try again.
As you have already noticed, other people have managed to control themselves. Thus, self-control is not impossible. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (I Corinthians 10:13). Since God won’t allow Satan to give you a temptation you can’t handle, this also means God knows you are able to control yourself. The only question that remains is if you will do so.
Self-control is not just about sexual issues. It impacts all aspects of a Christian’s life. Without self-control we are vulnerable to every attack Satan can dream up, and as we succumb we destroy our lives. Instead of giving in, work toward overcoming, rejoicing in each victory, no matter how seemingly small they may be. “He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels” (Revelation 3:5).