Last updated on November 2, 2020
Question:
Good evening,
I’m writing this mail to get advice. I started dating my boyfriend last October. At first, everything was alright. We weren’t so sexually active but, by December, I lost my virginity to him. His request for sex came more often until this March when the pandemic separated us. I was happy because I didn’t have to give in to having sex. However, his request for sex chatting came, although he didn’t request it as often as he was asking for sex. But he has made comments at times that I’m not sending nudes and sex chatting with him often enough.
During this quarantine, I became more spiritually-minded and more thoughtful about God’s feelings. I feel I’m still struggling, and one of the reasons is due to the sexual aspect of our relationship. I really do love him and would like him to be as spiritually-minded as I am, but he says he is not ready now.
He is coming to see me in a few days. I fear I might be tempted to do what I don’t want to do. I don’t know how to handle the situation. How do I tell him what I want? I’m afraid of the reply I might get as well if rejecting his requests for sex ends the relationship.
Answer:
I think you’ve already answered your question. Your boyfriend is only interested in his sexual pleasure. You stated that when you first started dating everything was all right, but I noticed you said that you weren’t so sexually active until two months later. That tells me that soon after you started dating he was working at getting your sexually aroused. Once you gave into having sex with him, he then used you for his sexual pleasure as often as he liked.
Even when you were separated, he demanded things from you so that he could masturbate while pretending to have sex with you. Yes, he is coming to see you, but his only goal is to have sex again with you.
I’m glad you got some distance from this toxic boy and started thinking a bit more clearly. It is good that you are interested in living righteously. But he told you plainly that he isn’t interested in a godly life. He doesn’t want religion telling him that he can’t have sex whenever he wants with whichever girl lets him in. Guys tend to say what they mean. It is girls who try to read extra layers of meaning into words, especially when those words are not what they expect to hear. I know you believe you are in love with him, but this isn’t love.
I suspect you won’t like my advice, but tell the boy not to bother coming. He is not husband material. This is the type of guy who will avoid marriage and if he is ever tied down will be committing adultery on the side whenever he gets a chance. Instead, find yourself a real man who loves God and lives by God’s teachings. Such a man will not pressure you for sex or insist on sexual talk or sexual touching (I Corinthians 6:9-10; 7:1; Ephesians 5:3-7). I know it will hurt at first, but this boy is not worth the pain and suffering he causes.
Response:
Thank you very much for the advice and your time. I will apply it. I sincerely appreciate it.