Last updated on October 25, 2020
Question:
Hello.
I never thought I’d have to do this, I always had my friends or my parents to ask for advice. But now, at this point in my life, I’m completely alone, and I have no one to turn to because none of them will ever understand what I’m going through. You can’t understand something that you haven’t experienced. And how can I blame them for that?
About a year ago, I met a guy online, on Facebook. I was 15 and he was 19. We started talking and we were really getting along. He lives in different, but it didn’t seem to matter, at least not that much. He was hurt and lost just like me, he got dumped by his girlfriend and I got rejected by the boy I thought I liked, so we kind of helped each other to get over it. After that, we started talking non-stop every day for months. After a while I found myself falling for him, and we started flirting with each other. One day I told him that I love him and he told me that he loves me too. From that day we were trying to get online every day in order to talk. To be honest, it was the best time of my life. But after a while the words weren’t enough for me, I was missing him so bad that it hurt. I told him to come and visit me, but he didn’t have enough money and I didn’t have money either. I was depressed most of the time, knowing that I couldn’t have him and that I had to wait for a few years in order to save money for the trip. When my ex-boyfriend came and asked me out, I said “yes” because I couldn’t take it anymore, and I forced myself to go on. He never asked me why he never got mad at me, he just told me “congratulations on the boyfriend, I’m happy for you.” After that, we stopped talking that much. It was a time that we barely said hello to each other. Of course, I broke up with my boyfriend, and you have no idea how much I regretted dating him. I can’t change the past, though.
One day he told me that he enlisted in the Marine Corp. Some weeks later he left for the basic training. I stayed back, waiting for him to come back. Every day of my life now is a marathon without him. I wrote him letters, but I never got an answer. He’s coming back sometime in August for ten days and then he’s leaving again. I just feel that I can’t take it anymore. My whole body hurts without him: I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. There’s just no life without him. I know that I probably should move on and let it go, but I don’t want to. It’s the first time I meet someone so special, someone, whom I love with every single piece of my heart and I don’t want to let him slip away. I’m not giving up on him. I just don’t know how to handle it. I’ve promised him that one day we’ll meet each other. I’ve promised myself that I’ll make it happen. They say that love demands everything, but my love demands only this: that no matter what happens or how long it takes, he won’t forget me.
Thanks.
Answer:
I’ve thought about this for a while. You are describing a relationship that you are more committed to than he is. It sounds to me that he may not even be aware that you’ve changed your mind about him. Clearly, you’ve given your heart to him, but give no indication that he is doing the same to you. You are infatuated with him. You’ve built up a dream of what this relationship might be, but it is not founded on the reality of how it currently is.
It takes two people to make a marriage. Two people who work hard at blending their lives into one. Until he shows interest in you, it is not proper to assume more than what is there. You had a great past friendship, and perhaps a future of growing closer, but you can’t force such to happen. It has to develop at its own pace. “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7).