Question:
Hello pastor,
I recently received a message from my cousin. I feel bad that she and others were gossiping about me wearing makeup or whatever. Especially since we don’t have a relationship outside of church, she never really speaks to me.
I also don’t understand where the boyfriend accusation or “meeting” someone part is coming from.
Can you give me advice on this? Should I feel guilty for this stuff? I don’t really think I‘m vain, but I do use makeup and nails, and if that counts, I guess I am sinning.
Answer:
My initial impression from the notes you shared with me is that your cousin is jealous of you and is looking for a way to attack you. I suspect that you are attending a Pentecostal group. There are some in this denomination that claims the use of makeup is sinful.
There is just one major problem: While there were accusations, there was no proof from the Bible. While I believe your cousin’s motivation is jealousy, let’s assume that she honestly believes it is wrong to wear makeup.
Looking in the Bible, we find the use of perfumes or colognes mentioned in Ruth 3:3; II Samuel 12:30; Matthew 26:6-13; and John 12:1-8. Eye-liner is mentioned in a negative sense in II Kings 9:30; Jeremiah 4:30; and Ezekiel 23:40 as a way women used to trap the sexual notice of men. Beauty treatments are mentioned in Esther 2:12. The loss of wealth is illustrated, among other things, by the loss of cosmetics in Isaiah 3:18-24. Basically, we find that when cosmetics are used as part of a clean life, they are approved, but when they are used to flaunt wealth or to make a person look sexy, they are condemned. This makes sense, since a child of God should not desire worldly living.
The concept of modesty is not calling attention to yourself by what you wear. “Let your beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious” (I Peter 3:3-4). In Greek, there is an idiom (a way of speaking) that consists of a “not” phrase followed by a “but” phrase. What comes after the “not” should not to be done exclusively or with the greatest emphasis; in fact, it was barely significant. What comes after the “but” is what is more important and should have a far greater emphasis. Thus, in I Peter 3:3-4, Peter is not saying that styling the hair, wearing jewelry, or wearing fancy clothing is wrong. He says these things are unimportant and should not be emphasized by a Christian. Instead, Christians are to emphasize their character. In other words, a Christian should not flaunt their wealth by elaborate hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or designer clothes. Wealth is unimportant. A godly character is far more important.
Therefore, your cousin is pushing a man-made tradition and treating it as if it were a command of God.
In handling personal attacks, the best solution is to ignore the attacks. In part, the people doing the attacks want to get you upset, so when you don’t react, it annoys them. You see this in the Gospels with Jesus. He doesn’t answer personal attacks against him. Instead, he directs people to go back to the Scriptures. Thus, in answering your cousin, don’t make it about you. Instead, point out that she appears to believe that the use of cosmetics is sinful, so would she care to prove where God said it was sinful? This should make her go back to the Bible. It also changes the focus from you to her understanding of what God said in the Bible.
Regarding the boyfriend comment, there is too little to go on. If you don’t understand what she is referring to, it is best to ignore it. Don’t get is a mindset that you have to defend yourself.