Last updated on October 29, 2020
Question:
I dated this guy and we decided to have sex. We did it on the regular basis for nine months, but I moved and we broke up. The last time I went to visit the place where he lives we did it again without being in a relationship. That makes me feel bad about myself and I want to stop doing it completely, but I still love him, and I can’t stand not seeing him, but I know that if I see him the chances of that happening are really high. Should I just give him up completely, or should I just hang out with him as friends?
I am used to having sex now and I crave it, but I know and have always known that it’s wrong. Sometimes I still go visit him and I still love him, but every time we see each other we end up having sex. I want that to stop and I don’t want that to happen again if I have another relationship. The chances and temptations are everywhere and I’m used to it. What can I do?
Answer:
It appears that you understand fornication as being wrong in theory, but you find numerous reasons why it is acceptable for you to sin. In other words, you find the risks of sinning tolerable, and therein lies the problem. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (Romans 6:1-2).
“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up” (James 4:4-10).
The only way to stop is to see fornication as being totally unacceptable because God said so. “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). When your personal attitude toward sin radically changes, then your behavior will naturally follow suit. You will be willing to forgo sex until marriage because you know that it is best. You may have to decide not to see the guy who seduces you to sin because you don’t what any weakness exploited. Yes, it is hard to do, but it is worth it.