Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
Hi,
Well, my boyfriend and I are both Christians. We are both 19 years old and love each other. I have no doubt about that, but we have fallen and committed fornication, which resulted in me losing my virginity. Now my boyfriend wants some sort of confirmation from God to marry me, but I don’t think we need that since we slept together. We have been together for over a year, and we do have plans to get married. He just wants to make sure he’s doing the right thing. Is there any way you can give us some advice on continuing our relationship? I take this very seriously. He knew that entering into our relationship. There is no plan for breaking up anytime soon. We just want direction in the steps to take toward marriage. Our pastor has also advised that we get married. I may also add that this sin resulted in a miscarriage that I had. I just want him to see the seriousness of the situation.
Thank you.
Answer:
Something seems missing in your note. I get a strong impression that your boyfriend doesn’t really think what he did was wrong or that he doesn’t see a need to get married anytime soon. Add to this his excuse that he needs confirmation from God after he violated God’s law makes wonder whether he really is a committed Christian and whether he is really planning on marrying you. I would like to hear his side of the story.
I hope I am mistaken, but it almost sounds like that you may have tried to use the sex and the pregnancy as a way to force him to make up his mind about marrying you.
Finally, what is also missing is whether you two have been having sex often or if this was a one-time sin.
But in answer to your question: Sex is not a guarantee of marriage. It doesn’t show that he loves you. All it shows is that the two of you lacked self-control and gave into temptation. Should he marry you? That is up to the two of you. God tells people through the Bible how to pick good mates, but He leaves the actual choice up to the individual. See:
In addition, the question to be asked is whether you will be tempted to commit fornication again. If so and you are wanting to get married, then the best answer is to get married now. “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthians 7:8-9).