Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I saw your response to a similar query on the Internet and so sought your advice.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just over a year. At first, we were really close friends. Last year we were in a long-distance relationship so it was okay. But now that he’s here with me. I fear that we’ll do things we aren’t supposed to do yet. I told him I’m saving myself for marriage and he respects that, but I don’t think he shares the same feelings. He says he’s Christian, but he doesn’t go to church or have any form of devotion. He does drink alcohol (a few times, but I still don’t like that). I do not know if I should cultivate this relationship or step back.
I’d appreciate it if you respond as soon as you find time.
Answer:
There are repeated warnings in the Scriptures that the people you hang around with will influence how you behave. “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals”” (I Corinthians 15:33).
When looking at a person, what they claim doesn’t count nearly as much as what they do. “You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:16-20). The Pharisees did not have exclusive rights to hypocrisy. There are many people who claim to be Christians who are putting on an act.
By “here with me,” I hope you don’t mean he is living with you. It would be inappropriate for unmarried couples to be living together. There is too much temptation to sin and Christians should be avoiding sin. “Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil” (I Thessalonians 5:21-22).
One reason for dating is to see more accurately the qualities in the other person. But such is not useful if you ignore the warning signs. You tell me that:
- He claims to be a Christian, but there is no evidence of it. He doesn’t worship God.
- He drinks
- He has hinted that he is fine with fornication
Is this the type of man you want raising your children? Is he the type of man you want to become more like?