Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
I have been baptized a few months ago and I’ve been in a relationship for almost three years. Now it creates conflict. He wants to continue to fornicate and tells me that we are all humans and God knows this, that’s why He sent His Son, so we can ask for forgiveness.
He was once a Christian, and I don’t see why it’s so hard for him to come back to the church with all the knowledge he has.
I have put a stop to all the sexual immortality and now it feels like he doesn’t know how to be romantic or at the very least show me he loves me by showing me simple things like investing his time with me. We were planning to get married two months from now, but he called off the wedding because he feels like I don’t trust him.
I know where I stand with my faith because I will not lose my soul for a relationship, but I don’t know what to do about him. I need some advice, please.
Answer:
Congratulations on making a commitment to Christ. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37-38). I guess we can add fiances to that list as well.
The reason he doesn’t want to come back to the church is that it is an admission that he is wrong. He doesn’t want to give up his sins. His arguments show that. “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?” (Romans 6:1-2). Jesus did not die on the cross so that people can freely sin. He died that we might be rescued from sin. “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?” (Romans 6:15-16).
One thing I’ve told many people is that once sex enters into a dating relationship, everything else takes a distant back seat. Every time together is about sex, to the point that the couple stops getting to know each other and becoming each other’s best friend. You see just how empty your relationship has become. Sex has stopped for a mere two months, hardly any time at all, but he can’t think of anything else. He doesn’t know how to relate with you except by being sexual. And now he is willing to throw away a three-year relationship because he won’t wait until marriage for sex. The situation is really sad.
Even though you are not married, I think Paul’s advice applies. “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (I Corinthians 7:15). You can’t make him come back to God. He has to choose to do so. You can insist that you will live according to God’s laws. If he isn’t happy with that, getting married to you will only make him more miserable. If he decides to leave, you’ll have to put Christ first. It will be his choice, not yours. He’ll be losing out on a good wife, but if he is too blind to see that, there isn’t much you can do to improve the situation.
If he does leave, don’t blame yourself. It was his choice. Find a good man to commit yourself too.