Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
Hey,
I am in doubt whether I am pregnant or not.
My menstrual period was on the 2nd and ended on the 8th. I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend on the 9th, but he ejaculated outside the vagina before his orgasm. Later we had sex again on the 15th, but we worried about pregnancy, so we had just a short while of sexual intercourse without wearing a condom and then we stopped.
The following month I had my menstrual period on the 1st and it ended on the 6th. My concern here is that my flow was not as heavy as compared to last time. My heavy flow only lasted about 3 days with some tiny blood clots that were followed by brownish discharge. I used a home pregnancy test on the 9th which indicated that I was not pregnant.
I worry still because I am nauseated on and off, have an upset stomach, feel full, bloated, gas reflux, and tired. I also worried it was not a usual period. Could it be implantation bleeding? I not sure if it is because of the stress that these signs and symptoms happened.
We not ready to have child. Hope you can advise me.
Thanks.
Answer:
You are not pregnant from what you did last month. Every menstrual flow is not the same, but the fact that you had a menstrual period indicates that you did not become pregnant. If you did become pregnant, you would have no flow at all or only minor spots of blood at most. However, this doesn’t mean you won’t get pregnant.
You are playing an odds game when you have sex. A married couple having regular sex has an 85% chance of getting pregnant in a year’s time. It might occur the first time, it might happen the fifth time. You just don’t know. Your boyfriend is practicing a form of birth control that is called the withdrawal method. He is pulling out before he ejaculates, but this method doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get pregnant. All it does is lower the odds from a 85% chance in one year to 19%.
The reason it doesn’t always work is that sperm can be present in the pre-ejaculate fluid that drips from a man’s penis when he is sexually aroused. It won’t be much, but it just takes one sperm reaching your egg on the right day to cause a pregnancy. Another problem is that the guy wants to keep the pleasure of sex going as long as he can. There is eventually going to be a time when he cuts the time before he withdraws too short and he won’t be able to pull out in time. Another cause is that sometimes, after ejaculating the couple cuddles or starts sex again, but the guy still has leftover semen dripping from his penis. Even if it only touches the outer parts of the vagina, sperm is able to swim up to the uterus.
If you are not wanting a child, then it doesn’t make sense to be having sex with your boyfriend. The natural consequence of sex is children.
But there is a graver problem that you are overlooking. You and your boyfriend are sinning. Things are sinful, not because God wants to take away people’s fun, but because the actions contain inherent dangers. “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Fornication (sex when you are not married) can lead to pregnancy or diseases. It changes the nature of your relationship. The time before marriage is a time to get to know the other person better as a person, so you can make up your mind whether you wish to marry him or not. But when sex enters into a relationship, it dominates everything. The times you get together become more often excuses to make out and have sex. Sure, it feels wonderful, but marriage is not just about sex.
While at the moment it seems that you’ll be with your boyfriend forever, there are no guarantees in life. “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away” (James 4:14). The two of you made no real commitments to each other and the likelihood that this relationship will last beyond a few years is very slim.