Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
My friend says she has “dry humped” her boyfriend (they had clothes on). He touched her breasts twice. Both times she told him no and never do that again because she doesn’t want to. Now she’s worried she’s not a virgin anymore. She’s never had intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, fingering, blow jobs, never been naked with someone, etc. I think she still is, but I don’t know for sure, I guess. I don’t know what to tell her. Is she still a virgin? She says she isn’t going to do those things anymore because she feels horrible. So is she a virgin or not?
Answer:
Rather than worrying about whether some action counts as sex or not, the point is that what she did was wrong. She would still be technically a virgin, but the point is that she behaved lewdly with a boy. “Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts” (Romans 13:13-14).
The problem with sin is that it is progressive. Because it is too easy to claim “nothing happened” this time, people are willing to go further. And simultaneously, sexual arousal lowers the ability to make good judgments. It would not be long before a choice is made where virginity is lost.
However, long before that point sin has already sunk deep roots into people. “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them” (Ephesians 5:3-7).