Last updated on October 23, 2020
Question:
Hi,
My parents really hate my boyfriend. I can’t stop this affair because I really love him, and I can’t live without him. It’s been almost two years. My parents always shout at me to stop this. I am really depressed because of this problem.
Please give me some advice.
Answer:
While I am willing to discuss these matters with you, you did not tell me enough to know what is happening. I assume your parents are usually reasonable people, so they must have expressed the reason why they dislike your boyfriend — you might disagree with their reasons, but I would like to understand their view on this matter. Another concern I have might be only due to the words you chose. In America, when someone calls a relationship between a man and a woman an affair, it implies that the relationship is sexual. I need to know if such is going on to advise you well.
Finally, I get the impression that you might be overdramatic. To say “I can’t live without him” is not an accurate statement. You lived without him before he came into your life, so it is logical that you could live without him in the future. You might not enjoy it as much, but a relationship is not essential to living life. You also express all feelings as extreme: “really hate,” “really love,” and “always shouting” might be how you feel about matters, but I suspect that they aren’t precise ways of describing what is going on.
If you are willing to talk more about these matters, I’ll do my best to advise you, but please remember that I don’t know you, your boyfriend, or your parents. All that I know will be from what you tell me, so my advice will only be as good as my understanding of the situation.
Question:
My parents didn’t like him because his mother is involved with another person, so my parents think that he also will be that kind of person. They also think that he can’t get any kind of responsibility. I don’t know what to do. My parents don’t want to be second to them. They wait until his parents come and talk about this.
Answer:
Your parents’ concern that a child raised by a woman who isn’t following proper moral standards might also have difficulties with morality is a reasonable one. However, it can be solved by talking to the young man about his own beliefs and his views regarding his mother’s behavior.
If a man is going to be a good husband, then it is reasonable to want him to be a man who can support you through life. What responsibilities has he taken on? What are his job prospects? Does he do well in school? Is he able to earn enough to support you if you get married?
All of these things can be discussed calmly and reasonably. I see nothing here that would cause emotional turmoil unless you are not being reasonable in thinking about your own future.