What are the limits of what you can do with a boy?

Last updated on October 23, 2020


Are purity rings good?

What can you do and not do with a boy, if you have one? What are the limits?


A purity ring is a public declaration that you will not be having sex before you are married. They are not required by God, but some girls find them useful as a reminder of their commitment and to notify boys that they aren’t available for sex, so don’t even bother asking.

You almost make having a boyfriend sound as if you have a toy or a puppy to play with. I want you to start by reading “What Boys, Girls, and Their Parents Need to Know.” The rules are simple: just because you have a boyfriend, it is not permission to sin. Too many people try to treat being boyfriend and girlfriend as if they have made a commitment equivalent to marriage, but they haven’t. Therefore:

  • Sex is off-limits because fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
  • Related to that, you don’t stir up a boy’s desire for sex because that is just teasing him with something he is not supposed to have. It is something that is both cruel and sinful (the sin is called lust in the Bible). “Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles–when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries” (I Peter 4:1-3).
  • So, no long passionate kisses, no touching or stroking the skin that should normally be covered, and no peeks at areas of the body that should remain covered. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1).
  • Along with all of this, talking about sex or joking about sex off-limits. “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Ephesians 5:3-5).

What you should do is become his best friend and he your best friend. That means getting to know him as a person. It means doing things together that each of you likes simply because the other person likes it. So if he is into baseball, go to games with him. If you love to cook, have him help you with dinner. Sexual things remain off-limits, but that is OK because sex will only get in your way of getting to know each other.