Question:
I have read a lot about the topic of fornication on your site. When I met my boyfriend, I had committed sexual acts with him like mutual masturbation. We repented and started living a life free of that. But after a long period of abstinence, my boyfriend again took me to a secluded place and we engaged in it again. Is there any way that I can maintain my walk with the Lord and convince my boyfriend that what we are doing is a direct act of sin against Him? Compared to our years of dating before, the frequency of such things has drastically reduced. Is it an indication of a repentant life? Or should a repentant life signify that we don’t have any more sexual desires for each other considering the fact that we are approaching marriageable age?
Answer:
“Repentance” translates a Greek military word that means to turn and head in the opposite direction. Biblically, “repentance” means that you have changed your mind about the acceptability of sin and as a result have changed your behavior to match your new attitude. “For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter” (II Corinthians 7:11).
It appears your boyfriend claims to have repented but has since changed his mind again. I am certain that he took you to that secluded place knowing in advance that he would try to get you involved in sex, and he succeeded. What I am not as certain about is whether you knew it too and willingly went along or not. You hinted that your boyfriend initiated the sex and that he doesn’t see what he did as being wrong.
“Repentance” does not mean that the temptation to sin goes away. Rather, there is a strong effort to minimize the chances to be tempted. In this particular case, you knew that sex was a problem but you went with your boyfriend where others were not likely to see what you were doing. That is promoting temptation, not minimizing it.
You improve your walk with Christ by making decisions based on what God teaches and not on your own personal desires. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20).
Your boyfriend has to make up his own mind whether he wants to follow Christ or not. You can encourage him to change, but you can’t make him change. What you have to do is decide whether you want to stay with a boy who is going to repeatedly lead you into sin or find a new boyfriend who puts Christ first. Your boyfriend is showing you what is important to him — it isn’t religion. Is that who you want to live with for the rest of your life in marriage?