I am just 18 and a Christian too. I feel so guilty and dirty for allowing this guy, who’s not even my boyfriend, to touch me. I lost my dad not long ago and I feel he’d be very disappointed in me because I would never do such a thing. My mum also warned me to stay away from this guy but I disobeyed. I have sinned against God and I have disappointed my parents. I feel this value I carried confidently is no longer there because I didn’t respect myself enough. I have prayed for forgiveness but I still feel God is not listening to me. I want to abstain from sin so I keep asking for the holy spirit but I feel I do not have the clear conscience of the Holy Spirit in me.
I really need your advice. Thank you.
Faith is not a feeling. Faith leads to having feelings but the feelings are not the faith. “By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked” (I John 2:3-6). Truth is unchanging but feelings change from moment to moment. It is because you have been following your feelings that you went against what you knew to be the right things to do.
You started hanging out with a guy you knew to be immoral and as was predicted, he took advantage of you. He touched you inappropriately because he hoped your passion would rise enough to allow him to have sex with you. You allowed the touching for a while because it was thrilling and you were carried away by your feelings at the moment. There is something about knowing that you are doing wrong that adds an extra punch. “Stolen water is sweet; and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17). Water is water and bread is bread, but these common items taste differently went the excitement of sinning is involved.
Thus, you’ve learned that you can’t let your feelings control you. God gave you a mind for a reason. You have repented of your sin, so once again, you have to use your reason and your faith. You feel bad that you had sinned, but you must trust God that He forgives when you turn away from your sins. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). It isn’t a matter of how you feel but how much do you trust God.