Last updated on October 27, 2020
Question:
I’m a 22-year-old female. I have battled with my boyfriend to stop asking me to sleep with him because it’s just the right thing to abstain seeing as we not married. He struggled but now he is getting ahead of things and is eager to learn more from me because whenever I do something that I feel isn’t right or about to do something and I’m not sure about it or did something which feels wrong, I go to your web site to find answers. But something happened and I felt so guilty because it all happened so fast. I should have known better. Normally I run because I always try to be at my best for God. My boyfriend and I were kissing for a long time without touching each other and I had an orgasm so fast I couldn’t control myself. I still feel bad because it’s like I have failed God and He is going to punish me, or maybe seeing as I have prayed for marriage, he is going to prolong the procedure until we get it right with Him. I’m so puzzled and I blamed my boyfriend because I told him what had happened. He couldn’t believe me and told me it’s nothing because his penis didn’t come inside me. I feel so dirty and faulty.
Answer:
If you weren’t touching, beyond kissing, it wouldn’t be fair to blame your boyfriend for the fact that you had an orgasm. That he had a hard time believing you is understandable. Males cannot reach orgasm without physical stimulation. However, females are not wired the same way.
“Male brains tend to focus heavily on the physical stimulation involved in sexual contact, but the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.” [Maureen Rice, “Yes, yes, yes! How women can think their way to an orgasm… with no help from their man,” Daily Mail].
You reached orgasm because you felt at that time very comfortable and relaxed with him. This, by the way, is why some women never enjoy sex because the key is their state of mind and not necessarily what is physically happening.
The simple answer is that you weren’t involved in sex, but your body had a sexual response. It isn’t a sin, but it could lead to dangerous activities, so the best thing to do is back off when you feel yourself zoning out because it means you are letting your guard down and you are not married yet.