How do I break this chain of dysfunctional families?

Last updated on November 2, 2020



I’m a teenage girl, pregnant and not married. I have asked God for forgiveness and am starting to follow a Christian life. I have been with my baby’s father for a year now, but before I got pregnant, I had only known him for a few months. Now I see the real him. He’s rude, smokes weed, and is on probation. But he comes from a dysfunctional family, like me. He used to be Christian, but he left to make bad decisions. But at the same time, he’s like that because of his parents. I’m trying to bring him back to the Christian life, but he told me he doesn’t want to change.

I don’t know whether to give up or keep fighting for us. I am soon to give birth and I feel like I can’t do this without him, although I have my mom’s full support. I just want my kid to grow up with both his parents and be happy because I know I wasn’t without my dad. I just want to break this chain of dysfunctional families, like his dad and mine.

Thank you.


The difficulty is that you repeated the same cause of dysfunction and now hope to have a different result. Reasonableness would say that if you want your child to have a dad, then you first marry a man who would make a great husband and then bring children into the world. You can’t fully reverse the course you’ve started. You certainly can’t turn this boy into a decent man against his will.

I’m going to take him at his word. He has no intention of changing. He will remain rude, a pothead, and a criminal. He will continue fathering children with women he is not married to. Thus, in all honesty, is this the type of man you want in your life? Is this the type of father you want to raise your child? Another mistake you are making is assuming that any “dad” will do.

I know it will be hard, but the way out is to realize that you need to cut your losses. He isn’t the man you need in your life. You need to start making plans for how to raise your child on your own, with your mom’s help. Then keep your eye open for a true Christian who loves you and doesn’t want to jump into bed with you before marriage. Someone who accepts the fact that you’ve made mistakes in your past but is also willing to accept your child as his own. True, the bums are a dime-a-dozen and the real men are harder to find, but they are out there.

Along the way, work on yourself. Make yourself into a good Christian, a good mom, and a hard worker. Such a woman will catch the eye of good men. Don’t compromise your principles just because a man wants your body.


Thank you for your response. I really needed to hear this before I made a mistake of moving in with him. May God bless you.