How do I stop having sex with him?

Last updated on November 2, 2020


My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to 10 months now. I was a virgin before meeting him. I eventually gave in to having sex with him. I grew up in a Christian home, and I regret doing it so much because I know it is wrong. I want to stop but don’t know how. He’s a pastor’s son, and I love him so much. I want to stop having sex with him. Please help me. 

I got pregnant some time ago and after that, I made a promise to God to stop having sex. However, I did it again last night. Now I feel so ashamed before God. I don’t know what to do. I  want to stop having sex with him. Please help me. 


You and your boyfriend need to talk about whether you are going to follow God or your passions. Right now neither of you are heading toward heaven. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). It doesn’t matter who your parents are or what type of religious training you’ve had. The fact remains that you and your boyfriend are in sin.

Therefore, your choices are:

  • Stop the sex until you get married and live according to God’s teachings
  • Break up
  • Get married

Paul stated, “but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthians 7:9). My guess is that getting married is probably the best option for you two, but of course, I don’t know what his thoughts are about your relationship. In most places, you can go a local courthouse and get a civil marriage rather quickly. If you want a fancy wedding, then you can work that out with more time. What isn’t an option is continuing to have sex without getting married.

Until you get married, you have to stop compromising. The sin isn’t starting when he puts his penis in you. The lusting for each other (Matthew 5:28), the inappropriate touching (I Corinthians 7:1), the stimulating of each other’s bodies (Romans 13:13-14), and the nakedness are sins that lead up to fornication. Thus, to avoid fornication, you have to stop the things that lead to fornication. No spending time alone with him when no one else is around, no stimulating each other to arouse sexual passion, and no removing clothing. You have to behave like violating God’s laws is not an option.


Please, do you think I still have a chance with God? I told my boyfriend that I wasn’t going to have sex anymore, and he agreed. But I want to know if I still have a chance with God.


You always have a chance, if you are willing to change and obey God. God isn’t trying to keep you away. You are doing that to yourself. God wants you back as His child, but you have to give up your sins to return to Him (II Corinthians 7:10-11).


Thank you very much. God bless you.