Last updated on October 30, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I saw your response to a young man dealing with infatuation and was wondering if you could help me with the same thing.
I’m a young female and am infatuated with a boy my age. I don’t think I have ever felt this strongly about any guy before, so I am so lost and confused. I like him because he’s funny, smart, etc. When I see him, I literally get those butterfly feelings and feel giddy. When he’s not there at school I notice that I feel upset and when he is there I feel that much happier. I’m pretty sure he feels the same way and often I find myself blushing crazily when the thought of him pops into my mind. I often daydream about where our relationship could go: our first kiss, date, etc. And when I am near him, I want nothing more than to be just us two talking and finding stuff about each other.
I guess I’m asking because I find that these thoughts are clouding up my mind. I constantly think about him to the point where I think about him all the time. I am usually a straight-A student but am slipping to high Bs because of my boy thoughts. I’ve often thought about praying to God about him and my troubles but feel like it’s silly and a waste of God’s time. I mean He has more important and bigger problems than my silly infatuation right? So what should I do? Pray? Something else? Please help!
Thank you very much!
Answer:
You definitely have a classic case of infatuation. Just remember that most of what you are feeling is based upon your imagination regarding what could be. Eventually, it will resolve itself because reality will impose itself. You might find out that he isn’t as great as you thought, or you might find out that the infatuation gets replaced with true love.
The real problem is that you are becoming obsessive about your feelings; that is, you are allowing yourself to exclusively focus on your feelings. Everything, including thoughts and feelings, has appropriate places in life.
“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
In its proper place, each is appropriate and beautiful. Out of place or dominating everything, each can become ugly. You have to learn to keep feelings like this in their proper place.
Question:
Thank you so much for getting back to me promptly! So what I have taken away from your response is that I have to learn how to control my feelings for this boy as there is a time and place for everything. Letting these feelings control me and everything else (like school work and grades) is bad and becomes ugly because then I am becoming obsessive. I think I’m now starting to understand what you are saying and I feel that I have more clarity regarding this issue.
I guess my next question is, in addition to learning how to control these thoughts, should I pray about it? Often, I talk to God about some issues (family issues for example) but I feel that talking to God about trivial things like boys, infatuation, boy drama is dumb and I feel like I am wasting His time by being silly. Thoughts?
Thank you so much again.
Answer:
There is nothing wrong with talking with God about your difficulties and asking for strength to overcome. Now asking God to make this boy return your affections would be wrong because God made each of us with free-will. Such a prayer would be asking God to take away another person’s choice. But to ask God for help to learn self-control and to keep your thoughts on the tasks at hand is perfectly reasonable because these are things God wants you to do.