My boyfriend pushed things too far. What do I do?

Last updated on November 2, 2020


I love God, and I want to serve Him forever, but I also really love my boyfriend, who unfortunately made me drop a lot of my standards. While from a Christian home, like mine, he doesn’t really buy into the religion thing, which I realized only recently. At one point I really thought he was saved. I’ve known him for about five years now. We’ve been best friends from before we started dating a few months ago.

One of my conditions was no sex before marriage and until last week, we have never gone beyond kissing and hugging. Being my first boyfriend, I almost cried the day I went to his house, and we were involved in some mild sensual sins. We even fought over the issue, almost breaking up. However, the following day he said he’d never want to force me to do anything and wanted me back, while I wanted to compromise because it felt like the pain was too unbearable without him.

Now we are back, and I don’t know what to do. I have been praying for him for more than two years now and, even his brother is a preacher, he doesn’t seem to want to change. I love him and don’t want to lose him, but I love God more and I know it will happen again. Probably not anytime soon, but it will.

Please help. What do I do?


Throughout my life, I have noticed that those who follow God’s teachings might face short-term heartaches, but in the long-term life comes out better for them.

The reason you date a person is to find out who they really are and whether you want to live with them for the rest of your life. That necessarily means that you are going to think you found the right person and then realize that you made a mistake. You are losing sight of that objective.

You already know that he isn’t interested in religion. He is willing to push you as far as you will let him, and while he backed off, you already know he is going to try again later. Thus, you are saying that for him, his own pleasure is more important than your peace of mind or your moral well-being.

What makes it hard is that you look at the time you invested with him instead of looking at who you now realize he is. There is a part of you that hopes you can change him, though your reason argues that he won’t change — after all, his own brother isn’t able to convince him to change.

The best thing to do is to move on. Tell him you realize that you two don’t have the same views on life and religion, and this is not what you are looking for in a husband.