Last updated on October 24, 2020
Hello there, I need advice.
I met a man through a Christian event a few years ago, and we became best of friends, which was fresh and exciting. I knew I was attracted to his godly nature and got so excited to see him every day for this event. He went to another country to study at a Bible college, which is incredible. I’m so blessed that his walk with Jesus is so impacting. We share the same faith and values as Christian men and women on this earth and as one. He has another year to go after this and he recently told me he has been offered a job in a local church out here, which he is going to take.
In the past summer, he got a girlfriend. When his relationship status changed from single to in a relationship, I felt a chunk of my heart disappear. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this. I mentioned it to my mum, and she said you must have feelings for him. I guess it was then I realized how much I liked him, even though I was always attracted to him. At Christmas past, we were meant to meet up, but we never got to due to him being unable.
Honestly, I was truly gutted, so gutted that I prayed to the Lord to please let me get over him. A couple of hours later he conveyed his feelings for me via Facebook. I looked at it as an answered prayer by God. He explained himself so well about what happened. He’s sorry he hadn’t told me sooner because he thought it was unfair to me since he didn’t know what he was doing or going after graduation, which is so respectful. He couldn’t meet up with me because he felt he would go home feeling even stronger for me.
I really want to get to know him more and would go over to see him in order to get to know him more by spending time with him, but I don’t know if it’s God’s will. We are the best of friends. I do really genuinely adore him. I can see myself marrying him. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. We encourage each other and pray for each other. These three years have been the most amazing and unexpected years of my life. He has helped me through times of strife. We communicate via Skype and have always kept in contact, which I think is so remarkably special.
I can’t stand being away from him and not being able to talk face to face. I have prayed for so long for the right guy to come along. But I just don’t know if it’s the right time since we are so far apart. I’m so super attracted to his godliness and commitment to the Lord. He inspires me. We inspire each other to grow deeper with Christ.
I thought I’d message and ask what you think of him and if at all you could give me advice. On one hand, I don’t want to chase after a man, but on the other, I would drop everything to be a part of God’s bigger picture in his life because I would love to be a part of his life and be his other half in what he is unconditionally doing for Jesus.
I hope you can understand. Thank you so much. Much blessings.
Beyond knowing that you’re giddy over this man, you’ve told me very little, so I can’t make a decision for you — not that I’m inclined to do so anyway. I will point out that you are not thinking completely rationally — not that it is a bad thing at the moment, but you can easily make mistakes in this state of mind.
First off, you mentioned that he had another girlfriend. I assume that it didn’t work out, but it could be important to know what happened.
If you were my daughter, I would not say “No” to you visiting him, but I would insist on conditions being met:
- You have a place to stay with older adults who can watch out for you. Under no circumstances are you to stay at his place.
- You are not to spend time alone with him in a private setting. When you are with him, there will always be others around who can see you.
- You follow Paul’s advice: “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (II Corinthians 7:1). Handholding and chaste kisses are the limits.
- You have a fixed time to visit. No open-ended thoughts about when you are returning home.
At the moment he still must finish up his studies. He won’t do well with you being there as a distraction, so find a slow period to visit him. Let him get finished with school while you two continue to explore the idea of possibly making a life together.
Don’t rush things in your excitement. I don’t want either of you to have any regrets. “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7).
Thank you, Mr. Jeff. Thank you.
Yes, when he was in the relationship with his ex, he was going through a rocky stage. Her morals were different from his. He wasn’t afraid of expressing that. He then ended the relationship because she wasn’t at the same level of faith as he was at and what have you.
We were always in touch through our hard times and his break up. He found it hard because his ex was at a different stage of her faith — just wanting to have fun. He made it so clear that he wasn’t having any of it. That was refreshing to hear from him, and that he was confiding in me as a friend.
Yes, we talked about me going over in the summer when he has finished his year, I don’t think I’m going over though. I was talking to an older Christian in the church today, and I thought to myself I shouldn’t be chasing a man. At the end of the day, that’s what it looks like. Also with regards to visiting, I would not be staying with him. That hadn’t and wouldn’t even cross my mind at all. I am so strict when it comes to morals.
Thank you so much for putting a great deal into perspective. Thank you for your honest reply. I deeply appreciated it. Thank you.