Last updated on October 31, 2020
Question:
Hi,
I have a question regarding dating, a topic I’m sure you get loads of questions about daily. I’m 20 years old and just finishing my second year of college. Last year, I became closer with a guy in my classes, and I knew before even developing feelings for him that he would be mine. The feeling was unlike anything I’ve ever felt for a guy and I can still remember how it felt.
We started dating and he broke up with me after just a few months. I was shocked because I really believed we were right for each other and had every reason to believe it was meant to last.
Here’s where I’m confused: He and I are in the same program at our university, where we still have another three years of seeing each other every single day due to the nature of the program. I’ve dated guys in the past, and once we broke up, they were no longer a part of my life. I was able to recognize that their purpose in my life was now gone, and I moved on. This time, I can’t understand why God would keep him in my life if his purpose in it is over.
We’re not friends; we get along but we’re not close anymore. I do still have feelings for him but I don’t see him ever wanting me back. I didn’t do anything wrong, I just assume he lost feelings for me and has moved on. He had a very real purpose in my life, and I know that by looking back and seeing how God used him to work in my life. Now it feels like God is teasing me, by dangling something I can’t have but desire so badly right in front of my face for another three years. I keep praying for God to remove my desire to be with him if we’re not meant for each other, but if anything it only grows stronger. If someone like that is still technically in my life, does that mean God wants me to pursue a stronger friendship with him? Or is there something here I’m totally missing?
Thank you.
Answer:
While God works in this world and He is aware of all that happens (Luke 12:6-7), it does not follow that God causes everything to happen. Some things do happen because of chance. “I again saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the warriors, and neither is bread to the wise nor wealth to the discerning nor favor to men of ability; for time and chance overtake them all” (Ecclesiastes 9:11). While we know God works in this world and answers prayers, we cannot always detect what He does. Though Mordecai suspected that Esther was queen for a reason, he could not be certain. “And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14).
I assume that you met this guy because you were in the same program and shared classes and interests. Just because you broke up it doesn’t follow that you would stop having classes together. To claim that God is taunting you with something that naturally occurs doesn’t make sense.
In reality, you are attributing your personal emotions to God, but emotions are inaccurate. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). Only truth, the word of God (John 17:17) is stable. You already proved your emotions are inaccurate when you mentioned that you dated this guy for several months, certain that he was the one you would marry and it turned out to be wrong. In this case, the mistake you made is assuming that what you wanted was also what he wanted. A marriage is made from two people working together. One alone cannot make a marriage.