Last updated on November 1, 2020
Question:
Hello,
My ex-boyfriend and I have committed fornication. We both are Christians and go to the same church. Several months ago we had sex for the first time. I was a virgin. He wasn’t since he had already had sex before becoming a Christian. After the act, I felt horrible. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, and we didn’t speak after that. I stopped going to church for two weeks because I felt guilty and couldn’t walk inside the house of God knowing what I did was wrong. At a point, I tried talking to him about it, but he just avoids the conversation. A month later we did it again, and I felt guilty afterward and cried.
I have asked God for forgiveness, but I obviously keep doing it, knowing it’s not something that pleases God. I want to talk to him, and tell him that this needs to stop, especially because he’s the head secretary of our church. I want to be with him eventually since right now we’re broken up. But do you think God can bring us together if we truly repent and stop doing what we’re doing? How do I tell him that we need to stop doing what we’re doing?
Answer:
I’m looking at this from a different angle. You have a person who has responsibilities in a church, but who has led a member into fornication. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but he seduced you again. That looks to be a sign of worldliness in a Christian. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). While I know you have repented of your sin, you made no mention of any change on his part.
That you broke up does mean that the sin has stopped, unless you allow it to happen again. But if he has not changed, he is a danger to others as well as being in danger of judgment from God. You need to talk to an elder in your church about what happened so that he can see that the correct action is taken.
In regards to marrying him, that should depend on whether he decides to straighten up his life. Right now he is not honoring God. Such a man would likely also not honor his wedding vows later in life. Who you marry is your choice, but you need to start using the wisdom God gave you and not your emotions. It isn’t whether God will bring you two together. It is whether you objectively see that he will make a good husband and father of your children.