Last updated on October 29, 2020
Question:
Hi,
I wrote to you a while back when you advised me on lewdness. I had promised never to practice it again, but I am ashamed to admit I did again with my boyfriend. After the act, I felt so guilty. I couldn’t handle the guilt anymore and I had to let my boyfriend know about it. I told him how I was not comfortable and as a Christian, it’s a sin. I told him that we should stop and also I realized that kissing and other romantic things were leading to this, so I told him we should avoid all this and respect each other until the right time since we are both virgins.
The sad thing is he dumped me because of this. Most of my friends are blaming me for it, saying it’s because I denied him his rights. I know I did the right thing by standing with what is right and also by letting him go because that’s what I’ve decided. He once asked me between him and God who do I choose and I boldly told him God and my religion.
All I want to hear is if I’ve done the right thing and how I should handle the situation.
Answer:
“Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles — when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you. They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead” (I Peter 4:1-5).
“Having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil” (I Peter 3:16-17).
Your former boyfriend had no rights to use you for sin. Shame on your friends for suggesting such a thing.
Consider what this would have meant if you had married this boy. He has no interest in God or religion. He would always try to get between you and God because he would see it as you not loving him fully.
It also tells me that his aim was not marriage with you but to convince you to have sex with him. Once you made it clear that you would not be available for sex until after marriage, he left for easier pickings.
You did the right thing. While the result at the moment hurts, it saved you from agony later. Find a young man who loves and respects you — a man who is willing to wait for marriage to have sex with you.
Response:
Thank you. God bless you.