I just learned that sex when you are not married is a sin

Last updated on July 24, 2022


Good day,

I’m a girl, aged 24 years. I don’t know where to start. My story is like this:

When I grew up, I told myself that I didn’t want to sleep with anyone before marriage. Then came a guy from next door, and we started dating. I told him that I didn’t want to have sex with him. But every time I went to see him, he made me touch his private parts, though I didn’t like it. We continued dating and then one day he told me that I could help him out. He wanted to ejaculate but he said he wouldn’t have sex with me. He said he would just pretend like we were having sex. It turned out to be a trap. The guy forced his thing inside me and broke my hymen. He said he was sorry and regretted doing that. But since he knows I am no longer a virgin, he started having sex with me. He treats me like I’m his wife. Whenever he feels like having sex, he demands it. But he never ejaculated semen inside of me. Whenever we have sex, he uses condoms.

Last week a sermon was preached where I learned that it is bad to sleep with someone who is not your husband. I don’t know if God is going to forgive me or not. I want the strength to leave this guy and live a new life in Christ, my Lord.

Please help me out.


The problem is that your actions did not match your stated goals. You said you didn’t want sex before marriage, so that tells me that you understood that it was wrong on some level. You told the man that you did not want sex, but when he wanted you to touch his genitals, you did not leave but touched him. When he exposed himself, you did not leave or drop him as a boyfriend. Thus, while you said one thing but your actions said something different.

Apparently, he took advantage of being naked with you and raped you. Everything he did was wrong, but once again, you did not cut off communication with him, nor did you turn him in for his evil actions. You complain that he demands sex from you, but don’t leave.

If you are going to be a Christian, then your actions must match the Lord’s commands. That means no sex with someone you are not married to (I Corinthians 6:9-10), no making out (Romans 13:13-14), no exposing yourself, and no touching of sexual areas of the body (I Corinthians 7:1). To be a Christian requires that you repent of your sins (change your behavior and attitude). It means you will have to dump the man who is using you for his own pleasure. You may have to move to separate yourself from him. Once you’ve separated yourself from these sins, then you can approach God to ask for forgiveness (I John 1:8-2:1). I suspect that you have not fully become a Christian, so I would like you to read What Must I Do to be Saved?


Thank you so much, man of God. I have learned a lot from your response I’m now starting my journey in Christ my Savior.